I am happy to report that it is 40 degrees out this morning. The gloves are off, I’m not trying to write as fast as I can before my fingers freeze, and it feels almost ‘warm.’ I still have layers on, of course, but considering it is twice as warm as it was all last week, I’m liking it despite the rain.
I have had something circling around my head for a few days now. I’m trying to deal with something that really bugs me, trying to figure out how I want to, need to, deal with it. I’m trying to decide if I am making a mountain out of a mole hill.
I have no tolerance for lies. They are the biggest form of disrespect, in my opinion. When I was younger, still doing my best to screw up to the best of my ability, lies rolled off my tongue with ease. I’m not that person, anymore. I’m doing everything I can to improve my life, to move forward, to the best of my ability. Part of that process started when I got clean almost 10 years ago.
For me, part of getting clean meant getting clean in my actions. Not lying was a huge part of that, and the less I lied, the more honest I became, the less tolerance I had for the lies of others. I have come to the philosophy that if you can lie to me, then I don’t need you around.
Somehow, despite the fact that I was screwing up my life at the time, I managed to teach my kids that I wasn’t ok with lying. I guess, when you get to the heart of it, I have never been ok with being lied to. Now that I don’t lie at all, I’m honest almost to a fault, it irritates me extremely a lot to be lied to at all. The worst lies for me are the little lies that serve no purpose that I can begin to see.
I’m not talking about the little white lies that are told in an attempt to save someone’s feelings (I don’t participate in these either) but the lies that are told to try to gain favor or present an inaccurate picture of someone (themself). I find these lies to be incredible stupid and a huge waste of time. They are always either very obvious or bound to be found out eventually and usually not that far in the future. The worst part is when one of these little, stupid, unimportant lies are told to me by someone who I trust. And this is where my dilemma comes in.
I have had someone who I care about tell me a lie such as this just recently. I had a feeling it was a lie when it was told, and I should have said something right then and there, but didn’t. I, instead, verified my belief through someone else, someone who I knew would have the information I needed to either rule the lie out because it didn’t happen or confirm that the lie did indeed happen. I was really hoping that I was wrong about the lie, so finding out that I was right about the lie didn’t help with the feelings of betrayal. I also don’t know how I am going to proceed from here because I know confronting the person at this point will just end up being a fruitless endeavor: I’ll confront, as not aggressively as possible. They will deny. I will provide that facts I have. They will get upset for me doubting them (why is this a part of the lying practice?). We will argue our sides. Nothing will be resolved and I will be even more frustrated, hurt, than I was before. No solution. Seeing as this is someone that I need to deal with on a regular basis, as part of my life, just omitting the person from my life is not an option, or at least not an option that I can see. And, no, it is not one of my kids.
So, that is where I am at with that. If anyone would like to leave me some advice on how I might come to either let this go or a more successful way of talking with the person about it, please don’t hesitate to leave me a comment below. I’ve always been the type of person to try to figure it out on my own. This time, I am asking for outside help. Thank you in advance, should anyone share their advice.
I listened to Put Your Heart on the Page by Anne Perry yesterday. It was ok. I did hear some information that I believe will be useful in the future but, for the most part, this seemed to be a promotion of the stories this author has written. I’m a little disappointed by this because I was hoping for something else, but I guess that falls into the whole placing expectations category. Walking in with an open mind is something I am still working on when it comes to some books.
the last lecture
After listening to Put Your Heart on the Page, I chose The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. It was good. I enjoyed it and it sounds like this guy really followed his childhood dreams along his life and has chosen to deal with his impending death due to pancreatic cancer with as much care and responsibility as he can. He wants to leave something that his very young children, the oldest being just 5, can possibly learn more about him from. He wants to make sure his wife is helped through the process of moving forward with her life after his death. Randy Pausch shares his life story, the bits of wisdom he has collected and utilized over his lifetime, tells us about the people who made the largest impact on him, and his view of life in general.
I am not sure if I will listen to anything today. I have the day off and will be taking care of things around home, for the most part. Part of what I’m taking care of today will be the dishes (it’s a never-ending battle in a travel trailer) and I would most likely listen to one then if I wasn’t trying to get through the Supernatural series so my son can talk to SOMEONE about it. Maybe I’ll listen to The Ultimate Happiness Prescription by Deepak Chopra when I take a nap, which is going to happen one way or another today, gosh darn it.
Have the most amazing day today, Everyone!! Don’t forget to hold on to your dreams!!