Coffee, RV Life, Neighbors…

I have my coffee this morning. My luscious, creamy, comforting, soul-fueling coffee. Ok. So, soul-fueling may be a bit of an exaggeration but I think that if it feels that way, then it is. :-) Those of you that love your coffee know exactly what I mean.

My paycheck didn’t show up yesterday. Very frustrating. Thankfully, the guy I work with is pretty accommodating with this sort of thing. We made a plan, which included him getting a reload card for about 1/3 of my check and texting me the numbers so we aren’t broke. This benefits both me and him. I have gas to keep making it to cleans, of which I have quite the load over the next 4 days, and I get to keep working, making more money, feeding the family, and covering our bills. Win-win. As for the remainder of my check, if it shows up today, we call the 1/3 he covered with the reload card an advance. If the check doesn’t show up today, he mails out another check tomorrow for the balance. I am incredibly grateful this guy is so easy to work with and that we have formed a comfortable level of trust and consideration for each other. Keeps the paranoid doubter on my mental committee from being able to take over and stir the pot.

As my schedule sits right now, I won’t have a day off until Wednesday, but that could always change. To be honest, I am hoping that Wednesday and Thursday stay open. My hands are going to be a bit pained by the time we finish the cleans from today through Tuesday. Today’s clean is a 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment, which isn’t too bad. Then tomorrow is a 4 bedroom, 3.5 bath house in Seattle, Sunday is a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house, Monday is the condo common areas, and Tuesday is a really yucky house in South Seattle that I’ll need to wear a mask in due to mold and general funk. Yes, I think Wednesday and Thursday should be down days to rejuvenate the system.

The bathroom shed is coming along nicely if slowly. It takes time when you are grabbing as much of the needed materials as possible off of Craigslist. The level of excitement I have over this bathroom shed is somewhat…sad, in a way. Its something that I never would have thought I would be looking forward to, or ever need, in my life. Then, again, I never believed I would be living in a RV and/or travel trailer, and definitely not for this long. It is what it is, it just takes a little processing to find where to categorize it in my mind. I miss living in a house.

I was thinking about that last week. Not obsessing about it, just some passing thoughts. I have lived this RV life for so long with the benefits of having some distance between me and the surrounding neighbors that the idea of living right up next to someone else is a bit…well, lets just say I’m not exactly comfortable with the idea. Living in a house, theoretically much closer to neighbors, would be an adjustment, to say the least. I like my comfort zone buffer. I have neighbors, I can see their homes, but I hardly ever see the people. This is in part due to the distance. It is also partially due to the fact that I am usually not home. It is really nice to come home and not have to possibly engage in niceties with the neighbors, especially since I am usually exhausted by the time I get home and want nothing more than to reconnect with my family. I guess we kind of live in our own bubble and I’m really ok with that. I am a moderately social person. I do enjoy chatting and hanging out with those outside my home family, but I love the sanctuary of my bubble. I know I would adapt pretty quickly to being in a neighborhood, a house, again, where I would be closer to other people, but there is something to be said for the solitude this life provides.

Well, its time to go suit up for the day! The sooner I get going the sooner I can come home, which is where I almost always would rather be. :)

Handle With Care…

I’m sitting here without coffee. I have no milk with which to create my morning elixir (four shot vanilla latte). My paycheck didn’t come in the mail yesterday so I am stuck at home today until it shows up. There is just enough gas in the van to make it to the bank then across the parking lot for gas. I’m a bit out of sorts without my coffee this morning. The morning ritual isn’t complete. My brain is fixated on finding the solution to the problem, how to fix it right now instead of just going with the fact that it is all about waiting. I don’t like waiting.

I’ve been told at different times throughout my life that I have the patience of Job. It always makes me wonder how observant the person saying this to me actually is. I don’t feel like I have much patience at all. I fidget, sigh, play games on my phone to try to pass the time and distract myself from watching the clock, but I guess that has more to do with waiting than the patience that has been applied to me. The comment seems to almost always be applied when I am somehow exhibiting patience with people. I think I must be really great at hiding my impatience.

Calm. That’s another adjective that has been used in describing me that completely baffles me. I don’t feel calm. In fact, the exact opposite is true. I feel extremely chaotic most of the time. I’m constantly anxious about this or that in an attempt to control my own world, to keep things moving forward with as little strife as possible. I don’t always succeed at this, but my brain is constantly, eagerly, looking for or trying to formulate the correct next move, the solution to the latest obstacle(s). I have to admit it is quite exhausting.

Maybe this is why calm has been applied to me. I’m mentally exhausted from my brain constantly going, going, going that there is not enough left to express the emotions I am feeling inside. Maybe that’s just a load of crap.

If you can’t tell, my mind is aimlessly wandering around, searching for something to write about while also obsessing about coffee, or the lack there of. It sounds horrible, I know. I mean, it’s just coffee. My mind fights against calling coffee ‘just’. The warm, smooth, creamy goodness I have every morning is so much more than ‘just’. It is the start to my day, part of my morning ritual of coffee and blogging, coffee and watching the sun come up, coffee and time with my thoughts to check in with me. Can you see how discontent I am about not having my coffee this morning? Ugh…


Foggy with a Chance of Storms…

I’ve been sitting here staring at the blank ‘page’ for the last 10 minutes. I want to write. My hands have been resting on the keyboard, fingers hovering, ready to start the dance of writing as soon as the music begins. There is no music this morning. Or, perhaps there is music but it is muffled by the heavy fog that has encased my brain like a thick, down comforter. I think I can hear my own comforter and pillow calling me, trying to coax me back into the warmth and protection they provide.

It’s not that I’m tired, really…who wouldn’t love to spend just a few more minutes in bed each morning?… but that is not what is going on here. This is the fog that comes when I am not taking care of myself, working too hard, too much, brain constantly going on the problems of the world, or, at least, my world. I can’t honestly say that I have been working too much, lately, though.

Summer is over and the rains have returned, so painting curb address numbers is done for the year. The Wheel is also turning toward the holidays, so cleans have slowed down a bit. I am actually having days off and many days when I am home hours before dinner time. Maybe this is what is causing the fog or maybe it is just a back log from being so busy all summer that is moving to the forefront, filling up the available space.

Whatever the cause of the fog, I am in it and this leaves me in a vulnerable state. My armour is about as strong as a latex balloon that has been filled with air to maximum capacity, plus a little. Even the dullest needle of life will easily deflate me today. I feel mentally and emotionally weak. I want to lay in bed all day, watching Netflix, sleeping, reading, absent from life.

I don’t like feeling this way; the vulnerability, the emotionally ineptness, the lack of desire to participate in life. I don’t like having to struggle through my fog to find my abilities, to form complete thoughts, to find any desire other than the one for complete isolation. I’m not really people friendly today. I have a hard time connecting and, when I do, I have to constantly remind myself that it’s not all about me, the world around me isn’t trying to just be mean, there isn’t some underlying issue that isn’t being addressed or being talked about by everyone but me like some secret.

I know that sounds paranoid. Maybe it is. Unfortunately, the feeling is similar to the one I have gotten many times before as an intuitive predecessor to some sort of fall out. It puts me on edge. Part of me sits in my brain just observing, ever watchful for the shoe to drop and the floor to fall out. It causes me to worry more than normal and it is way too easy to drive myself nuts over it.

As much as I would like to call this day a mental health day, I can’t. I have responsibilities that must be met and people who are relying on me. The day must go on no matter how stormy or foggy it is in my brain. I will push myself through this day with a firm yet gentle nudging, knowing that it won’t last forever and that, when it’s over, I can come back home to the safety of my inner world.

Groceries, Attorneys, and College…

Lance spoke with an attorney yesterday about his fall at Winco. Mostly, we wanted to make sure of how we handle this. The attorney explained how this sort of thing is usually handled by the grocery store so now we know what to expect. We were told that the store’s insurance company will end up paying for the Prompt Care visit and any medications prescribed (a non-narcotic pain reliever). There may be some small payment to Lance, but the insurance company deems whether or not that is necessary. Just knowing that Lance’s visit to the Prompt Care will be covered is a relief, as those are never cheap.

While at work, yesterday, Lance called me a few times to let me know what he was up to. This is not something I expect or something Lance would normally do. These calls from Lance were just him calling to tell me what he had tried to do and how it went, physically and pain-wise. The man doesn’t do being hurt very well. No smiley sticker for him.

One of the things that has been painful for him since his fall in Winco the other day is walking. At one point, yesterday, after the pain reliever kicked in, he attempted to take the dogs for their walk. He made it most of the way down the air strip before realizing he had the wrong shoes on, so turned around so he could change them. He informed me that it was a good thing that he had turned around because by the time he got back here to change his shoes, his back was really bothering him. So what does he do? Work on building the walls for the bathroom shed. Silly man. He says he wants to try to help me clean today. We shall see how that goes.

My daughter has dropped a class in college. She has been having a hard time with her Humanities teacher and it was affecting her grade so she dropped the class. Though I’m not exceedingly happy that she dropped a class, in this instance, it might have been the right thing to do. It was looking like she was going to have to take the class, again, anyway so…well, it makes sense to get out of it and start it over with a different teacher a different quarter.

This has led my daughter to have some doubts about college. She called me after she dropped the class and I could hear the self-doubt in her voice. “I don’t know about college, Mom. I mean, who knows if the degree will even be worth it. Whose to say I’ll even be able to get a job with the degree. There’s no guarantee.” She is going for a degree in Mechanical Engineering. I’m fairly certain that finding a job when she graduates is not going too much of a hassle for her. Even if it takes a minute to find the right placement, it will be well worth the effort.

We talked for a bit about her fears. I told her that it may feel like it’s too much right now but it will get easier, in some ways, the further along she goes. It takes some time to completely get into the whole college mindset, especially when you have been away from the school mentality for a while. It comes down to her deciding what she wants and sticking with it. It has to be her main focus. I think she has come to hate when I use my college experience as an example. My college was online and I have yet to use my degree. These two facts don’t change the basics but she looks at it a little differently than I do.

Personally, I loved college. Sure, the first few quarters were extremely stressful. I had tons of self-doubt. Until I got in a rhythm with the work load, I was a basket case. By the end of the third quarter, I was in the zone. This doesn’t mean there wasn’t any stress at all, of course. It just means that I wasn’t the spaz I had been, much to my husband’s delight. I know my daughter will get there if she doesn’t give up.


Husband down…

It is right before payday and this is when money is the tightest. We really have to watch every penny when it gets this close to payday. Yesterday my husband and I headed out to do a load of laundry, swing by the Y for a shower, and hit the local Winco to grab dinners for the week. This is how we make it until payday and not wonder what we are going to wear or what we are going to feed the children. Its working and every payday, I get even better at managing our incoming cash flow so it doesn’t get so stressful right before payday.

At Winco, we grabbed the essentials. Lance was out of sausage patties and eggs (he makes himself a breakfast sandwich every morning), but we were holding off to grab them until we knew how much the necessary food items would total up to. Sometimes, he has to go a few days without his breakfast sandwich. After the last item was rung up, I saw that we could grab his items so I told him to go grab them really quick. The cashier was great. She put our transaction on hold and told the people behind us in line that she was going to start ringing them up but that when my husband came back, she was going to put their transaction on hold and finish ringing us out. The people behind us were perfectly fine with that. So were the people behind them when it was their turn.

You see, though Lance should have been back before the cashier was done checking out the first family behind us in line, he wasn’t. She was almost all the way through the second family when Lance came over and told me he had fallen and hurt himself before going back the way he had come. I asked the cashier if I could just pay for our transaction so I could go help him, which, of course, wasn’t a problem. I paid, then grabbed our cart and headed in the direction that Lance had gone.

When I found him, the Winco staff had him sitting on a chair filling out an accident report. There was a carton of eggs, broken, on the floor and a place on the floor near it that looked like water. I talked to Lance, asked him if he was ok, which he didn’t really reply, and told him I was going to go grab his eggs and sausage, and purchase them while he was filling out the report. He agreed. Just as I was finished purchasing his eggs and sausage he came up to the check out area.

I could tell by his face that he wasn’t feeling well. His face and body said “Ow.” I asked him what happened.

He was hurrying back to the check out I was waiting at when his foot hit some water on the floor that he hadn’t seen. Lance told me both of his feet flew up in the air and he landed on his back, mostly his tailbone. He said it hurt so much when he landed that he just laid there for a minute. Lance said he tried calling out for me, hoping I would hear him, but, unfortunately, I didn’t. I guess the Winco staff was pretty quick about getting to him, getting him onto a chair, asking him what happened, and getting him to fill out the accident report. Winco’s insurance company will be calling Lance in a day or two.

As we walked out to the van, Lance quietly said he thought he might need to go to the emergency room. This is a big warning sign that he is really hurting because the man never goes to the doctor, let alone the emergency room. I told him that I agreed he should go. Its better to get checked out.

Lance insisted we take the groceries home first. When we pulled up at home, I made him wait in the van while I brought the groceries in and put the perishables away. The amazing thing is that he did wait in the van. Normally, he would have said he could help and then do so, but this time he didn’t.

While I unloaded groceries, Lance searched on his phone for the closest urgent care or emergency room. When I hopped back in the van, he had found two, one really close, one minutely further away. We, of course, headed to the closest one, Franciscan Prompt Care. While we were in the waiting room, I looked up accident attorneys. I felt this was something he needed to consult an attorney about. This slip and fall could make it where he can’t work for a bit while he is healing.

The x-ray showed that he had no broken parts, no fractures. The physician said Lance bruised his sacrum, which isn’t that uncommon, apparently. Last night, he took some Aleve, then some ibuprofen in an attempt to alleviate the pain. The ibuprofen on top of the Aleve worked. This morning, he got up with the thought of taking the dogs for their morning walk. Walking without dogs attached hurts too much so the pups are going to have to wait for me to get home from work to take them for their walk.

I’ll be working solo today, so it is a good thing that I have the common areas to clean at the condos. I can rearrange the clean a little without it being a problem. Lance and I usually get the common areas done in a day. It is going to take me two.

My daughter has volunteered to help me before school with cleans this week. I’m grateful for that. She has homework to do so she won’t be helping out today. Its a full week so her help will be invaluable while Lance is recovering. Left foot, right foot…

Dreaming of Spring already…

I was such a horrible gardener this year. I planted the wildflowers around the stump, watered them religiously while they were seeds and during their seedling stage, then got really busy with work and pretty much ignored them from there. I’m not proud of this. I am usually a much more attentive gardener than this.

The flowers came up and they were beautiful. I’m sad to say that, for the most part, I didn’t really even pay enough attention to even enjoy their beauty. This is so unlike me that I have started planning the beauty for next year.

I am going to plant more wildflower seeds around the same stump I grew them this year. I don’t know why, but I really like the idea of planting wildflowers around this stump. I think it is because the area looks so…unused, abandoned and the flowers help bring the area to life. I’d really like to take a rototiller to the area first, to get it really cleaned up since it has had so much time before we moved here to establish weeds and such but with the number of surface roots, large surface roots, in the area, I would probably ruin a rototiller even trying. Lance says he will turn the soil for me since the process hurts my hands too much.

I’m hoping we can get that done before the end of the month. You see, I’m already dreaming of Spring and Fall has barely gotten underway. I have even decided to try something new for me. I bought bulbs.

I have planted bulbs once before, but they were bulbs you plant early spring that flower in the Summer. This time, I have bought bulbs that you plant in fall to have flowers in the Spring. That is a first for me.

Fall bulbs for Spring flowers

Fall bulbs for Spring flowers

For early Spring, I bought Anemone Blanda mix (the little purple and white daisy-like flowers). For mid-Spring, I have two types of tulips: Drawn Hybrid mix and Purple Flag. For late Spring, I grabbed a pack of tulip bulbs called Big Smile (the name sells them alone, I think) and a pack of Purple Sensation Allium bulbs. If I can get these into the ground this Fall, Spring is going to be so beautiful. :-)

If anyone has any tips for planting fall bulbs, please do let me know. Spring flowers are such a wonderful thing and I really want this to go right. Thanks in advance!!


Painful Memories…

I woke up the other day feeling emotional. It has subsided, for the most part, but my brain has chosen this time of vulnerability to process some things that haven’t been completely processed, like grief. The book I’m listening to, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, may also be one of the instigators of this processing, as well.

Its not a bad thing. Things must be processed so that they are not in the background secretly running things, in my opinion. How long is grief supposed to last? I know that it is a personal thing, something that takes the time it takes, but…well, how long should something be able to pass casually through your mind and leave behind grief? How long should something be able to cause your mind to immediately go into survival mode and shut down the memory and any of the emotions that may be attached to it?

I have been having my daughter’s dogs coming to mind, lately. The pain of her deciding to give them up, the heart-wrenching process of trying to find the best possible solution for them, and the devastation of abandoning them at a no-kill shelter want to overtake me all over, again. Of course, accompanying these feelings are the feelings of doubt…did I do all I could do? Did I make the right decision or was I selfish? Could we have made 6 dogs in the travel trailer with us work? I know the real answers but, when the doubts are running rampid, sometimes its really hard to hold on to the truth. Especially when it is something so dear to my heart.

I don’t look at the pictures of Panda and Ninja (the dogs my daughter had) anymore. They make me cry and I don’t feel that is helpful in the long run at this point. To be completely honest, I stopped looking at their pictures soon after they were no longer here because it hurt way too much. The dog print tattoos on my next leading to the ying and yang tattoo with the dog paw on one side and the human hand print on the other is a tribute to Panda and Ninja. Below the ying and yang symbol are their names in Japanese (the language and culture my daughter is drawn to).

My kids and my husband each have their own representations through tattoos on my body. My the two I have for my husband do not have his name or any indications that they have anything to do with him. My kids’ tattoos are dragonflies, with the body of the dragonflies being their names. I don’t believe you should ever put anyone’s name on your body, other than those of your children. Life happens, things change, and it is not cheap to have a tattoo removed and a cover-up doesn’t take away the memory of the name tattoo that once was. Panda and Ninja earned their spot on my skin, and in my heart, and I will never look at their tattoo and have any regret in getting it.

I think the thing that I am finding the hardest in getting over the grief of Panda and Ninja is that they are/were two of the litter mates of my Achilles and Enzo: Panda was a white version of Achilles and Ninja was a black version of Enzo, visually. Of course, their little personalities were all their own, but their were similarities. Also, all four of these pups were from the litter we had with Luna.

I guess, if I get really honest with myself, I still feel guilty over Panda and Ninja. I don’t quite know how to let that go despite the many times I have been told that I have nothing to feel guilty about.

dragonflygypsy 057 dragonflygypsy 367

Loading up the database…

Let the learning begin!!

Let the learning begin!!

I’m really enjoying The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I would suggest this book to anyone experiencing difficulties in any of their relationships, whether they be romantic relationships or otherwise. Heck! I’d recommend this book to everyone, period. The book gives some really great information about better understanding and relating with the people we interact with that are important in our lives. I honestly think this stuff could be applied to anyone we may interact with, regardless of their level of involvement in our life/lives.

I had gotten onto the Pierce County Library website the other day and put some audiobooks on hold. Yesterday, on the way back from picking up my daughter from school, we stopped at the South Hill Library (the library where the books I put on hold will be held at for pick up) because one of the books was ready for me. The book that was ready is Nolo’s Crash Course in Small Business Basics, How to run a business – from opening day to tax day!

I chose this book because I have finally decided to turn the curb address numbers painting into a legitimate business. The name of the business is called Curb Addresses Save Lives. By turning this into a legitimate business, I will be able to approach HOA’s about having the address numbers painted for the whole neighborhood instead of being limited to going door to door. This potentially has the ability to raise the amount of money we make painting curb address numbers.

I have helped with starting a few businesses along my path in life and it would seem that I have some aptitude for business. A lot of it just makes sense to me. That being said, I decided it would be wise to actually learn all I need to know for making my business a success. I trust the Nolo series of informative books so this book seemed an obvious choice.

While at the South Hill Library, I decided to see what languages they had available. I had already put languages like Greek and Russian on hold but wanted to see if there were any others I might want to learn. I have to admit that Arabic was one I had never considered before. Not for any particular reason, it just never had crossed my mind before. Same with Norwegian, Gaelic, Hindi.

I know it sounds like a lot of languages to try to learn but I figured I can download each of the programs to my computer to later put onto a micro SD card to listen to on my phone. I am definitely not going to be rushing through each of the languages. I want to actually learn the language and be able to speak it, with the hopes of being at least moderately fluent in it.

I’m excited to learn some of these languages. Some of them seem a little daunting, as well. I definitely think Arabic will prove to be a bit challenging, but that is from the perspective of someone who has never even tried to learn the language so doesn’t know anything about it. For all I know, it’ll be a snap. We shall see.

I’m really glad I decided to start feeding my brain while I’m working. I’m really excited about this whole thing. I may need to start finding chat groups or something like that so that I can practice speaking some of the languages I’m going to be learning so I can capture the different nuances of each. Have I mentioned I love learning?!?!?!?

A New Discovery…

I discovered something new yesterday. I went to the Tacoma Library in search of some audiobooks like I was talking about in my post yesterday. The Tacoma Library is a different system than the Pierce County Library system so I needed to get a new card.

Part of the process of getting a library card at the Tacoma Library is they give you a quick overview of how long you are allowed to check out each type of media, among other things. The librarian that helped me finished with the standard information then asked what it was I was looking to find. I explained that I clean all day and spend way too much time in my head, was bored, and was looking for some audiobooks to feed my brain while working. “What types of audiobooks?”

“Languages, small business…anything that can feed my mind while I’m working.”

He agreed that listening to audio files while working with my hands all day was a great idea and began to list off the types of audio learning formats they have and suggested I go to the reference desk. He informed me that the people at the reference desk were really great at getting people to the type of information they were looking for. I was already distracted because he had mentioned these mp3 players that are loaded with a book or subject that can be checked out for three weeks at a time. All you needed was 1 AAA battery and to plug in your headphones. WHAT???

This sounded like a brilliant idea. I headed straight for the display he had pointed out to see what was available. There wasn’t a whole lot that I was interested in checking out from the selection but I chose one: The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  Its about learning the different languages/actions that express love to each person. I’ll let you know what I think of it when I’m done.

What a genius idea. And convenient. This little mp3 player isn’t much so I doubt they experience loss on these much if at all. All that is on there is the book that has been loaded, the controls for playing the audio file, power button…I’m not sure how you would use this otherwise. It is almost as if these little devices were designed specifically for this use, and, for all I know, they were.

There is no downloading to my computer then loading to my microSD card. Plug and play. Love it! My only hope is that they get a better selection of titles for them. I would check these out exclusively.

On another note, I am extremely emotional this morning. Nothing like crying for unknown reasons as I make my coffee. I don’t know if it is the weather, the change of seasons, the struggle with quitting smoking, exhaustion from work, all of these, or some other reason I am unaware of at the moment that has got me so emotional. Maybe it is just a stress relief.

I don’t like being so emotional. I always feel like others see this as weakness and my opinion or ideas or knowledge gets discredited too easily simply because I’m having a day. Its frustrating and usually just leaves me feeling even more emotional.

I guess its a good thing I have this mp3 to listen to today. It will act as a buffer zone for me. Yeah, I guess its kind of like hiding but it is also a bit like protecting my vulnerable self. If I’m not a part of the world around me because I’m lost in what is streaming through my ears then I can’t get hurt by…well, everything. Its that type of emotional day for me. The wind off the wings of a dragonfly can hurt me today.

And, now, the day begins…

Its time…

I mentioned in my post Quitting Smoking, Back at Day 1 that I had experienced some symptoms that I had attributed to nicotine withdrawals — numbness in my right arm and light-headedness. Well, the arm numbness is something that I am still dealing with despite the fact I have been smoking. It is especially bad when I am sleeping.

I sleep on my right side so I have started sleeping on my back and left side. Sure, I still end up on my right side but I have been deliberately making myself move back to my left side or my back during the night when I find myself on my right side. This seems to have helped some but I have been waking up to my right arm completely numb, fingers to shoulder, and it really hurts. A lot of the pain seems to be centered in my right armpit.

This morning, I was awoken by this same pain, only a bit worse. Normally, all I have to do is change sides or just move to my back and the pain goes away and feeling is slowly restored to my right arm. This was not the case today. The only way I could get my right arm to stop hurting and get the numbness to subside was to sit up.

After sitting up, the symptoms begin to subside but the second I lay back down, on any side, it returns, the pain in my armpit and hand being the worst parts. Today, I have a pain in my neck. The neck pain doesn’t feel like a whole muscle is affected but a specific spot in my neck, on the right side. I still have that pain as I am writing this.

I think it is time that I make a doctor’s appointment just have this checked out. I’m fairly certain it will prove to be something mundane, such as an unhappy muscle causing a disturbance in the force. I can’t fix the problem myself if I have no idea what the problem is so going to someone who can tell me what is going on sounds like a really great plan.

I’ll admit there is a part of me that feels like I’m being a hypochondriac. I tend to always feel like that when I go to the doctor, despite whether or not there is a definite need to see a doctor. I’ve had some poor experiences with some doctors and it has left its mark. It is part of the reason I hardly ever go to the doctor. The upside to going this time, besides possibly finding out why my arm is going numb so much of the time, is that I can talk with the doctor about quitting smoking and find out if there is anything to help me with that and get suggestions.

On another note, I am getting rather bored with work. I usually have either some meditations playing or music but too much of my day is spent inside my head. Seeing as I tend to over think things, this usually isn’t a good thing. Mountains and mole hills.

I’ve decided to go to the library and see what they have for audiobooks. I love to learn, as I have stated many times, so I think being able to learn something while I’m working is a great idea. There are a few languages I have always wanted to learn so maybe I’ll find some language learning programs I can listen to. There are probably a million other things I would like to know more about, as well, so I am going to grab what sounds interesting to me that I can download onto my computer and then load onto my micro sd card for my phone. Who knows? By this time next year I could be multi-lingual. ;-)