Emotional, My Enzo…

I find that I cry all the time these days. Ok. Maybe not all of the time but more than is normal, for me, and more than I am comfortable with. What is going on with me? Is this just part of menopause or is it something else?

Today, as I was walking into PetSmart to get the kids some dewormer, a dog was coming out of the store. Two people, obviously his owners, are outside coaxing and cooing, offering a favorite treat. As the dog came up to the woman, her face melted and she began to cry, throwing her arms around him. This was not a joyful cry. You could see it all over her face, and, since the dog had gray around his mouth, I am guessing this was an end of the road type thing. I had to fight bursting into tears. I’m not taking just plain ole sympathy tears, but deep, heart broken sobs, and the feeling didn’t go away within a few minutes of wandering around looking at the wonderful things for my pups. I walked out of the store maybe 20 minutes later and was still choking back tears.

I may be a bit sensitive to this setting, at the moment. My beloved Enzo is going to the vet tomorrow. The muscles on the top, left side of his head and cheek have atrophied. At first I thought he had just hurt himself somehow and wasn’t too worried. Ok. I was trying to not be too worried. I guess it’s been about 5 or 6 days since I felt the difference in his head, then saw it, while we were on our nightly walk.

Money hasn’t always been something that is very fluid in my life. I try to avoid the vet as much as possible – we buy their annual shots at the feed store and administer them ourselves; if I can heal something naturally at home, I do. It’s not that i have anything against going to the vet. It’s more cost effective my way and my dogs tend to be pretty healthy.

Now, I know there are those out there that will think I am neglecting my dogs in some way because I do not take them into the vet unless it is something beyond my scope of abilities to deal with. For those people, if you would like to pay for the annual vet visit for my three, I’ll let you know what vet we use. If you don’t, you can keep your judgments to yourself, thank you very much.

Anyway, the day after noticing the muscle changes on Enzo’s head, I broke down and did a Google search: my dog’s head is caving in. I was actually surprised to find the search results included different forums with people asking the exact same question. I probably spent about an hour and a half to two hours researching and cross checking the search results:

Masticatory Muscle Myositis (MMM)

Tumor

Possibly something else – bad, infected tooth, etc.

MMM is treatable with corticosteroids. I think by now everyone knows how tumors are dealt with. Something else – this could be simple or empty the pockets for the foreseeable future.

I’m praying for simple. I’m praying for affordable. I’m praying I’m not going to be down a dog because I won’t have the money to pay for his treatments. I’m praying and I’m scared.

About dragonflygypsyusa

Over-thinker with way too much availability to the internet to research whatever might come to mind, amateur photographer, dog enthusiast, learning every day, working on finding my undamaged self.
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