Back to the grind today. It was really great to have two days off in a row and to actually do something just fun during that time. I realize, now, that there isn’t much that I do on my days off that I count as ‘fun.’ I’m going to have to change that.I’m not sure how, but we are heading into the holiday season, so there are always a ton of things going on. I’m planning on trying to get myself into the holiday mood and taking advantage of some of the things that brings with it, like festivals and things like that.
I haven’t really felt like celebrating the holidays since we moved into the RV seven years ago (almost). There have been a couple of the holidays that I have made myself go through the motions with in an attempt to get myself in the holiday mood, without much success. This year, I can feel that holiday excitement brewing in me. I don’t know what has changed in me, just recently in fact, but something has. I have let go of something, maybe multiple somethings, that were keeping me from enjoying so many things.
What did I let go? I have no idea. I felt things starting to shift some in me just the other day. Is this just a mania cycle? Could be. I really hope not. I’m really tired of feeling super overwhelmed by my life to the point of not being able to find as much joy in it. If this is merely a manic cycle, I hope it lasts for the next 7 years. I’d much rather enjoy life then spend it feeling beaten by it, as I have been feeling for longer than I care to remember.
Huh. I guess I never really looked at it like that before…beaten by life…but it fits. I know that I have been less than happy with the way life has been going for quite some time, but I don’t think I had thought of it as life having beaten me, that I had lost the game. I can see, now, that is exactly how I’ve been feeling all of these RV-life years, and every time I’d reach up to try to climb out, it felt like life just kicked my hand away, letting me slide deeper into the muck.
I’m feeling optimistic, now, like I’ve gotten my head up over the edge of the mire and still have the energy and drive to drag the rest of me out of it. I’m feeling centered, in touch with my own power, connected to the powerful energy of life, capable. I know I’m going on and on about this, but it really is an amazing, freeing feeling.
We have decided that we are going to gut Marv and turn him into a closet for us. We have been using cupboards in the trailer as our ‘dresser drawers,’ and I’ll have you know that it has gotten really old. I had not liked the situation from the beginning, but, now, I have gotten to the point I don’t even want to put my clothes away after doing laundry. It’s so inconvenient and frustrating. After we gut Marv, we are going to set up a space for hanging clothes, have a couple of dressers in there, and a bed for when my daughter wants to come visit for a few days. We are going to keep the shower and toilet in there, with the thought of getting an insta-hot propane water heater (my friend showed me one that is available on Amazon for under $200) and replumbing to the shower so it is usable, as well. It’s a plan. Its going to take time, but I see us actually being able to accomplish this.
My husband and I had some really great talks, yesterday. We are on the same page. Its time for us to really focus on getting into a house. Yeah, it’s really way past time, but we all move at the pace we can, facing the fears and emotional damages that like to stand in the way as if they are more important than where you want to go. We have our scars from losing everything and having to move into an Rv. The very idea of getting into a house has been a source of deep stress, something neither of us were ready to face. I’m there, and, thankfully, my husband is too.
Well, I had better get myself ready for work. It’s not a busy busy day but I want to get going so I can come back home. Plus, I’m looking forward to listening to my next audiobook: Perfect Just As You Are by Pema Chodron. Have a great day, Everyone!!!