Stuck in the Storm…

My very first Columbine bloom, ever!

My very first Columbine bloom, ever!

It’s apparently Tornado week in my own personal world. Things are falling apart. Well, at least that’s how it feels, and the reality to some extent. Sigh. They say things come in 3’s and I’m waiting for the third thing before I can completely assess how to move forward from here.

It appears I will be returning the Prius. I found out on Friday that my license has been suspended due to the accident Lance had in his truck in October or November. State Farm Insurance has two ways of setting you up on payments: break the whole amount into six payments (this would be $350/mo for me) or pay $850 up front and payment off the rest, I think the time line to pay off is also 6 months. I can just make payments in the amount that works for me, if I want, but there will be no paperwork on it, which is really what I need the most in order to get my license back.

I talked with the woman who is in charge of my account and after 10 minutes of her basically repeating the ‘script,’ I asked her to find me someone else that could work with me. She told me she would transfer me to someone who will tell me the exact same thing then clicked me over. I found this comment a bit rude, but after talking with the next person, the comment seems a bit mild.

The next woman I talked with threw around judgemental comments like a disgruntled school teacher. After the third comment, I called her on it. I told her that she didn’t need to be so judgemental, she had no idea what my situation is, and that I didn’t appreciate her speaking to me like a child. No, I didn’t swear at all. I was trying really hard to be nice, despite the extreme lack of willingness to hear what I was telling her and to find me someone else that might be able to look at things from a different angle. Her response to me calling her on her rudeness? She hung up on me. I think I am going to find away to talk with someone at State Farm today that isn’t in their office. Perhaps I need to just call corporate or something. I don’t know.

Number Two in the line-up of the Tornado of Mieke damages is my phone. On Monday, my phone decided it was done. It went from being in use to the load screen. The battery had been really low so I didn’t think much of it, so I plugged it in and Lance and I went to go clean the condo common areas. This takes a few hours with both of us doing it, so I was thinking my phone would have the time to charge and figure out what its problem was. When we got home, I tried to turn my phone on.

After having my phone sit on the load screen for half an hour, Lance took me to T-mobile. I was thinking I was going to need to buy a new phone. This thought really stressed me out since I was thinking I was going to need every penny I have to get my license back (this was before I talked with State Farm). Thankfully, I was able to do a warranty exchange, with delivery of the new phone the very next day (yesterday). T-mobile also had a loaner phone for me to use in the mean time, with a fully refundable $50 deposit. Disaster averted with minimal shuffling.

As I sit here, riddled with anxiety on what could be the third in this three, I have to admit that my mind is working overtime to try to figure out how I can hold on to the Prius and get my license back. In reality, there really is no real way to make this happen. Depression is trying to really sink its teeth in, but I’m doing my best to keep it at bay with moderate success.

I can’t drive for Uber, which is how I make my weekly car payment. I didn’t make my car payment for last week since I do most of my driving on the weekends and I found out my license had been suspended with my first ride request on Friday evening. Once I schedule the return of the Prius, I have to wait 2 weeks before it can be returned (that’s just how it works with Xchange Leasing), which means two more payments missed. Then there is the $250 disposition fee when I return it. Maybe this is the third of three. It’s definitely sounding like it to me. I know I’m feeling like laying in the middle of the busiest street I can find.

I’m trying to distract myself with gardening, but I’m having a hard time feeling the comfort in it. I’m feeling pretty defeated right now. I can’t seem to figure out the solution to all of this. It’s really making me feel like just quitting everything since there is just too much wreckage that keeps stabbing me just when I think I’m starting to take care of it. I’m really starting to feel like life just keeps reminding me that I’m not really a part of it and should just stop trying. I’m so tired.




About dragonflygypsyusa

Over-thinker with way too much availability to the internet to research whatever might come to mind, amateur photographer, dog enthusiast, learning every day, working on finding my undamaged self.
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