Spring starts tomorrow!! I’m so excited! I know it is just one day past today, just another day, in all reality, but the fact that it is marked with the yearly milestone of the beginning of Spring makes it so much more than just a day for me. Its like finally reaching the checkpoint in a game, knowing you will never have to attempt to reach it, again. Yes, I know I’ll be right here again next year, but it doesn’t change the feeling. The door to warmer weather, blooming flowers, new plant growth, leaves on the trees, and more sunshine will be pushed open wide tomorrow, at least on the calendar. For me, that is something to celebrate.
I have three purple tulips just ready to bloom. One of them looks like it might actually bloom today. I have to admit that part of me doesn’t want it to open until tomorrow. In my head, this scenario works out perfectly as a way of cementing the fact that Spring is here, there is no turning back, it is a time for new beginnings, and the tulips are welcoming back the sun.
Yesterday was my stepdaughter’s birthday. She turned 13 years old. The teen years have begun for her and she started them off in a purely rebellious teenager way. She ran away from home with her older sister.
I debated on whether or not to write about this. I’ve come to the decision that putting it out there on the internet for others to see will only add to the number of people sending out the energy for her to be ok and to come home. If nothing else, I am sending it out to the Universe in a much bigger way than just the wishing of myself.
My step-daughter has been making some not great choices lately, I have found out. I’m sure her sister is a main component to these poor choices. She has always been able to get my step-daughter to do things that she may not have chosen to do by herself. Using their names would make writing about this much easier, but I’m not going to do that. It doesn’t feel right to do so. For now, I will use F for my step-daughter and K for her sister.
K has always had power over F. She lives with her dad and I think that makes F just wants to please her sister since they don’t live together. A type of bonding, I believe. From what I can tell from the outside, K has always been jealous of F because F lives with their mom. From what Lance has told me, K has always been somewhat of a troubled child. I don’t have the whole story, and I guess it doesn’t really matter at this point. F has followed her sister into a potentially bad situation.
The girls have also started smoking pot. This sort of floors me, in a way, when it comes to F. She has been around 12-step programs most of her life, sat in the meetings, has even participated in helping to put on events. She knows about addiction and has parents that have walked that road and are open about the perils of it. I guess this is where the whole being 13 and still believing she wears a cape of invincibility comes in. I am praying that she comes home and is ok.
I have to admit that F running away brings back a whole mess of memories and emotions for me. I can remember being her age. I was already running and gunning by then and had already created the messy rut that creates from repeated use. I wasn’t lost, completely, yet, but I didn’t really think I needed an out or that the choices I was making then would have lasting effects way beyond then. I thought I was…well, I don’t know what I was really think then. That it was fun, that I had everything under control, there was no problem with it, and I was experiencing life. I was clueless, though I know no one could have told me that and made me believe it. The more anyone tried to get me to stop, the more I ran toward it. After a while, it just becomes the way it is.
I guess that is part of what worries me about F running away, besides the potential for it to end up with her hurt or worse. I would hate to see this kid walk the path I did, in her own way, and end up making choices that change her life forever. Or worse. It’s the ‘or worse’ part that I’m having the hardest time accepting. I don’t want that to be a possibility and am refusing to look at it in an attempt to take it out of the equation. It terrifies me.
I’m hoping that we find out today that she is back home and ok. I’m hoping that this does not become a pattern with her. I’m hoping she realizes that using drugs, any drugs, is not a good plan. I’m hoping this is a one-time event that doesn’t leave scars.
Now, I’m asking anyone that reads this to please, please, please send out prayers/energy toward her, and her sister, for protection and a safe return home for both girls. It seems like such an insignificant thing to do, but it is all there is that can be done at this point, and I believe in the power of many to aid in the protection of two.