Quitting Smoking, Back at Day 1

I had a cigarette yesterday. Ok. I ended up having 3 cigarettes yesterday. I’m very disappointed but today is a new day and I am starting the day count over. I am not giving up.

At first, I was completely pissed at myself for the cigarette. I began the self-chastising but that didn’t last very long. I’m never going to make it through this process if I can’t be gentle with myself about it. Kicking myself when I’m down is not going to be helpful but harmful. Yes, there are parts of me that are still disappointed but all I can do to keep this moving forward is start again so that is what I am doing.

Before I had a cigarette yesterday, I was going through some serious withdrawal symptoms, ones I would have never expected. We were working on cleaning the common areas at the condo complex that we clean and my right arm started to go numb. I made myself slow down and focused on my breathing, taking deep breaths. It eventually subsided but then I started feeling really light-headed and I was getting those spots in my vision that come right before you faint. For these, I made myself actually sit down, close my eyes, and take deep breaths. The light-headedness didn’t really go away but I went back to cleaning anyway. I just bumped my pace down a little and paid more attention to how I was feeling. I’ll admit I was somewhat worried.

This has not deterred me from quitting smoking, but I am going to make an appointment to talk with my doctor about the symptoms I was having yesterday. If I start having them, again, I may just go sit and wait to see if I can get in earlier. Though I’m probably just fine I would rather have someone with the education to say so tell me that I am. Better safe than sorry in this instance, I believe.

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