Searching for Change…

I have spent the morning reading articles about finding a new job, taking assessment tests, circling the internet for new ideas on income direction. Yes, I have come to the undeniable realization that I need to find a different job. I am too discontent with what I am doing and I need to make a change. No, I am not going to quit the job I currently have before finding something to replace it, but staying with what I am doing I can see is only going to continue to lead me down the path of discontentedness and dissatisfaction.

Nothing has happened with work or with Cayle to instigate the desire to do something different. This feeling has been growing for a while and just keeps getting more intense. I am not walking in my bliss, which would be optimal. If I can find a job that allows me to do that then that is awesome. What I want/am looking for is something that doesn’t leave me feeling like I do in the morning before having to head out to work.

I am grateful for the job I have. That hasn’t changed. I am spending too much time and energy at a job that is never going to be more than what it is now: a way to support myself and my family. Sure, I know this is all a job is supposed to do in most cases, but I want more. I want something that I can look at and smile. Cleaning is not it, though I do find satisfaction in knowing that I am extremely good at what I do. This is something that has always granted me a level of contentment with whatever job I have held. Unfortunately, what I am doing currently is not providing enough other benefits to combat the feelings of discontentment. I can not envision myself doing move out cleans in 5 years. I can barely see myself doing them next month, though that will probably be the case since I believe it will take me a bit to find something I could see me doing for longer than a year, though I hope it doesn’t take that long.

I have started looking into actually using my criminal justice degree. My degree is focused on crime scene evidence, which would put me in evidence collection as an evidence tech. I have to admit that part of me wakes up when I think about engaging in this career while another part of me wonders what the emotional/mental cost would be from being around such situations. Another part of me looks at the fact that this could be a career with advancement opportunities.

I have also looked into possibly working at a veterinarian clinic. I love animals and always have. I would need to take some classes to get a vet technician certificate, which isn’t a huge deal, but I would have to figure out how to schedule in those classes, and study time, around my cleaning schedule. My step-mom (a woman who I adore endlessly) thinks this is exactly what I should do. Actually, she strongly believes I should become a vet. I don’t necessarily disagree with her. I just look at how much schooling that would take, what age I am, and the fact that I have pretty much maxed out my associate level financial aid funding. I have done a bunch of schooling while trying to figure out what it is I want to be when I grow up. Obviously, the schooling hasn’t helped me figure that out, so far.

It keeps changing. I run into so many different things that pique my interest. I think that is what the audiobook learning that I have been doing is really all about. There are so many things to learn about, and just when I think I have the one thing I truly want to learn about and pursue, I find another thing, or three, that interests me just as much. None of these things help me with my current employment dilemma.

Yes, I’m feeling a bit stuck with where I’m at, and it’s not a feeling that I enjoy at all. I told the Universe, yesterday, that I need clarity. So far, no response. Perhaps I just need to write down a list of  what my dream job would include then see if I can fit that into a job that is available without degrees or massive experience. Maybe I need to stop being such a big baby and just deal with the fact that I have made really personally unbeneficial choices throughout my life and this is what the end result is.

I guess I can’t just accept that. This really can’t be all there is to life, regardless of the choices I’ve made. Sure, the choices I’ve made so far have brought me to here, but I can make more choices to take me from here to somewhere I’d find more satisfying and less overwhelmingly stressful, something more financially secure, spiritually aligned with me, something I find way more…well, me. Can’t I?


About dragonflygypsyusa

Over-thinker with way too much availability to the internet to research whatever might come to mind, amateur photographer, dog enthusiast, learning every day, working on finding my undamaged self.
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