To Facebook or Not to Facebook…

I’m having a bit of a dilemma (internal emotional, of course) and I need to write it down to work it all out. I’m hoping that maybe someone will read this post and provide me some insight or solid advice. If nothing else, maybe someone will read this and not feel like they are the only one.

I have, yet, again, left Facebook. Ok. I’ve sort of left Facebook with intense thoughts of deleting the account all together. I’ve been pretty active on it lately and I guess I thought perhaps the final outcome would be different this time since I am not the same person I was the last time. I have grown, matured a bit by letting go of things that just don’t serve me and things that I really have no idea why I have hung onto, and continue to work diligently on becoming a better version of myself.

I love the concept of Facebook. I truly do. I love that I can see what those I love and that love me are up to, the photos they share, the memes they post, the going ons of their life – good and not so good. I love that I can check in with these people so easily, that I can post pics of what we are up to, reach out to a friend in need in whatever way, and it helps me stay connected to the outside world since it is almost the only connection I have, which is how I have set it up, for the most part.

No matter what state of mind I happen to be in whenever I have gone back to Facebook, it doesn’t take long for me to end up in a major funk. I’m talking the type of funk that makes you re-evaluate the people you have in your world, or, at least, your Facebook world. My self-esteem can go from “I am amazing” to “I am no one, nearly non-existent, unwanted, unneeded” rather quickly. This time it only took a few weeks.

About a week ago I went through the list of my Facebook ‘friends’ and deleted quite a few. It’s not that these people did anything or upset me or whatever. We just don’t talk. I don’t necessarily agree with their posts, which isn’t a big deal other than when I am re-evaluating the people I keep in my FB world. If we never talk, you never react or comment on posts of mine, and our only connection or sign of knowing each other, maybe, is that we are ‘friends’ on Facebook, then what you post becomes a factor. If you are posting things that are informative, I don’t have to agree with your stance or the post at all to keep  you as a FB friend. If all you’re posting is in the thread of anger, meanness, I’m better than anyone, everyone is dumb then I don’t need you to be a part of my life. Its not hateful, just protective of my mental health.

Anyway, there is a large part of me that wants to stay on FB to stay connected to family in some way, yet, there is just as large a part that wants to never again see the inside of Facebook. It’s too much chaos. It’s not safe to have an opinion. Anything you post can be twisted into whatever anyone wants to perceive it as and then they can publicly bash you for it, refusing to hear what it is you actually posted. On the other hand there is the whole connecting thing, informational posts about things I may not stumble across otherwise, inspirational quotes that may be exactly what it is I need to hear at the moment. And my family is on there.

So, is it worth staying on Facebook so I can see what loved ones are up to even if it means that I will eventually reach the point where I no longer feel good? Honestly, I think Facebook may just need to not be a part of my personal life. Thoughts, anyone??