I think I really screwed up yesterday. I didn’t end up taking a nap, for a number of reasons but mostly just because I didn’t feel I had the time or whatever to fit it in. I look back at yesterday now and realize there was plenty of time. I paid for the misjudgment last night.
I crawled into bed dead tired at about 9, my usual time, expecting to sleep until at the very least 4, but I was aiming for 5. How far did I make it? 12:28 am. Damnit. Not only was did I wake up at that time but I was AWAKE – almost as if I had slept a good solid 8 hours or something. Ugh. Fine! Coffee. I stayed up until around 5:30 am then laid back down in bed with the hopes of catching some more zzz’s. Thankfully, I slept another 2 1/2 hours. YAY! I’ll shoot for a nap here in a little bit.
This sleep thing has gotten to be a bit much. I have stopped taking my meds (today is day 2) thinking that maybe its my meds keeping me from my sleep, despite having sleep problems before going into the hospital. My reasoning is the sleeplessness, or disturbed sleep, has gotten worse, in my opinion. I know it’s too early to tell if this is going to make a difference, but I’m hoping. I’d wait until I could get in to see a doctor before starting with doctoring myself but its over a month before they can see me (new patient). I need to figure this out now.
Part of me feels that I am getting used to this new (I guess it’s not so new anymore) sleep pattern. Maybe this is what sleep looks like for me now – a few hours after going to bed at night, a morning nap, an afternoon nap. This doesn’t sound like a great schedule but if I can still get a normal amount of things done in a day, I guess I’m ok with it. I’m not sure how this would work with working but if I’m working remotely there shouldn’t be a problem. Right? Now, to get that remote job.
Why is this so hard in today’s work market? It sounds like a no brainer to me but apparently I am out of the loop of what’s a no brainer these days. The anxiety I have over talking to people I don’t know has somewhat to do with my struggle but, also, remote work seems to be an insider thing: if you”re not already doing it, no one really coughs up the info you need to move forward. Or maybe I am defeated too easily when looking for work. I’m sure that is part of it. I don’t do rejection, even the potential of rejection, well.