Wow. Look at that. A whole month since I have written anything on here. I have no idea where the time has gone, but it has. I would like to say I have been writing in other mediums, but I haven’t. I haven’t been writing at all.
I guess its time for an update on all that is my gypsy camp. We are still in the same spot, though it is becoming harder and harder to be here since it is made known often that we need to move. Have we found somewhere else to move to? No. Three big dogs is a huge deterrent, apparently. Also, the amount of money we would need to just secure a spot is more, way more, than we can manage at this time.
I found a job. I don’t remember if I mentioned that last month. Anyway, its house cleaning, $15 an hour (ouch), local. The company has a work van for me to drive to my jobs, which is good. Granted, it’s an old style caravan with not much life left in it. It’s something.
This job is not going to last. The hours I am working will never even begin to generate enough income to barely stay alive, not to mention assist in making the move. One week I will work 19 hours, the next 10, followed by a week with 12 hours. One week was only 8 hours. This is not working. I have started applying to other places to work, though it is hurting more and more every day to continue this type of work. The fact is it is what I know how to do and am very good at it. To try to change industries would mean making even less than I already am. I can’t do that.
I took this job with the understanding that the hours would not be much, AT FIRST. The woman who owns this business has said that she would be adding more clients, making it one of her main focuses. This hasn’t happened. In fact, she has focused so much on the rest of her business that she has added no new clients and, due to death and/or moving, the cleaning client base has even gotten a bit smaller. On top of this, she is now wanting me to take over confirming with the clients the cleans she puts on my schedule. More responsibilities without an increase in pay. This is not working out at all.
Lance has managed to stay mostly busy over the past year with work, bringing in money to help us continue making progress in move preparations, staying alive, keeping up/catching up on bills. Over the last month or so, his working has gotten quite a bit sporadic with the clients blowing off getting materials for the job. We are both feeling rather defeated at the moment.
The Freestar is running, not well, but running enough to get me to work and back, which at least there is that. The Camry is running like a champ for Lance. The Saturn…well, I’m about to push it out to the curb for $300 and see what I get for it. I’ve replaced fuses, CPS (crankshaft position sensor), starter, coil pack, and it still won’t start. I’m at a loss as to where to go from here on it. I am going to make sure the battery is fully charged then put the SyncUp device we bought from T-mobile to see if it the car throws a code while trying to start it. I’ve been driving around with this device in the van hoping it would help decipher what is going on with it but nothing so far despite how horribly it is running.
The T-mobile SyncUp device allows you to keep track of your miles, set speeding alerts, works as a mobile hotspot in the vehicle, and is supposed to report any diagnostic trouble codes the vehicle’s engine might be going through. Now, the diagnostic trouble codes part of this is not the codes that are readable with your standard OBD-2 reader and that you can go to most part stores and have read for free. These are to codes that you pay the mechanic $80 – $125 or more to hook up his special diagnostic tools.
My thought with getting this device was that I am at the point where I want to take the van to a mechanic for this exact reason. We drive a lot of older cars with tons of miles on them and this could be a handy device to have for the different problems we run into with our vehicles. There was also a promotion going on for the device at the time. It just sounded like a way to keep moving forward with our vehicles without having to pay the price for a mechanic to hook up his diagnostic tools.
We were in T-mobile because Lance’s phone had stopped working. After the person at T-mobile inspected Lance’s phone, he said the best thing to do would be to do a warranty exchange, which would only cost us $5. Perfect. The replacement phone would be in in a couple of days. Unfortunately, between leaving that store then and the day the replacement phone came in, somehow Lance’s display module broke on the phone. According to T-mobile, the only time that could happen on Lance’s phone was if the battery was out. Two different T-mobile reps removed the battery to inspect the phone for the exchange. The first one said it was eligible for warranty exchange. The second one is the one that said the display module was broken. Now, Lance is using his old LG G4 with all of the issues it was having before which caused us to replace it a year ago. Frustrating.
I’m at a point where I am feeling like it doesn’t matter how much I struggle, fight, whatever to try to keep us going, to try to get this move to happening instead of sitting dead in the water due to lack of funding despite running as hard as I can at it. It all seems pointless. I’m wondering why I even try.
I have spent so much of the last couple of years trying to clear up my credit and being successful at doing so, for the most part. My credit score has gone up and down a 100 point range multiple times based on what income was coming in when. It’s frustrating to watch, exhilarating when the score goes up, shaming when it goes down and changes absolutely nothing in my world.
I have no idea what is going on with my fundraisers. I haven’t received any notifications of new donations so my guess is nothing at all is happening. Whatever. I’m done asking people for help. Despite being told that when you need help you should just ask and people are always willing to help. I have come to realize that is a bold-faced lie, at least when it comes to my world. The people who are willing to help are few and far between, even when it comes to something as simple and non-demanding as finding resources to help myself. When it comes right down to it, we are in this alone.
I feel like saying screw it. Stop paying bills, making credit card payments, all of it. Why bother? Being responsible isn’t fixing our situation and, in some ways, makes it worse. File bankruptcy, disappear, see what happens. Become homeless, walk away from the travel trailer, RV, 5th wheel, live in a tent with my dogs and husband and son. Try to sustain life by eating berries, bark, grass, leaves, whatever. Dig holes to poop in, never shower again, probably die within the next 10 years. It appears I am headed that way anyway so why not just expedite it and run into now? I have no more ideas, no more solutions. There is nothing left and I am done.