Well, it’s been great to be back at work, especially after thinking I didn’t have the job anymore. I had the meltdown I knew would come this past Friday. I had felt it coming on Thursday and was just trying to make it until the weekend. Unfortunately, Friday morning, the tears came in the middle of training class and I just couldn’t make them stop. How embarrassing. It’s over though and my supervisor was very understanding once we had talked.
Last night, as Lance and I were falling asleep, Lance got a call from a good friend of ours. A very dear friend of ours died over the weekend of medication complications. I am heartbroken. This woman was such a beautiful soul and the high priestess at our handfasting. I am an emotional traffic jam at the moment, though I think I’ll be able to maintain through the work day, but…shock, complete and utter shock.
It’s so weird to have friends die. It definitely puts you in touch with your own mortality. At least, it has reconnected me with my own. To think I spent a whole lot of my life feeling like mortality was just an unverified rumor, taking so many chances with my life, my health…it really hits home just how careless I have been. How does one process the loss of someone who shone so brightly? Who touched the heart of every last person they met? I think this is one that will take a bit to process.
I haven’t cried over the death of my friend, yet, though my heart hurts. I think this is maybe due to the amount of deaths and traumas I’ve experienced over the last 8 years and the habit I’ve gotten into of just shoving that stuff aside in order to keep moving forward or to allow those with the greater need to grieve to have the space to do so. My friend keeps running through my mind on and off today though, and this is a good thing, I know. Also the memories of others that were connected to her and their interactions that I was privileged to witness. I’m grateful for the memories and for the time that I was honored with the presence of her soul in my life.
Dear Readers, never take for granted that those you love will always be there. You never know when they won’t be. This is why I do my best to make sure that, every time I leave someone after spending time with them, I tell them I love them. I don’t ever want that to be something I look back at with regret.