Self Sabotage, The Gardens….

I feel like I have been avoiding my laptop, writing, for a while now. Its not a conscious thought, as in “I’m just not going to write at all today,” but that doesn’t change the outcome. I haven’t been writing much, whether it be posts for this blog or my own personal writing, for months now. Of course, realizing this makes me start looking around at the other important things in my life and I’ve recognized what is going on: I have been in self sabotage mode. UGH!

Of course, once this has become obvious to me, its super hard to not see it, anymore, and all of the places it is cropping up – half-assed gardening, soul-less writing, that extra purchase here, another one there, not paying attention to which bill comes up next (though I haven’t gotten behind on them. well, ok. I’m behind one of them), grocery shopping like a single person (aka: no real food in the fridge). The list goes on and I recognize more things I’ve been neglecting as I make the list. Time to pull my head out of my butt.

I’ve been spending too much time playing games on my phone, obsessively. I’m spending way too much time with my phone in my hand all together. I absolutely love that I talk with my best friend and my daughter pretty much every day, but I need to start limiting myself, at least for now. I don’t think I’m present in my life, whatever I’m doing, if I have the phone to my  head. It hasn’t shown up as a problem, that I can see so far, but it will.

I guess that is the real issue: I’m not really being present in my life. I keep telling myself I am, but the evidence is everywhere that I have not been for a bit. That has to stop before it gets out of control and all of the hard work I’ve done to get things on the path to better will be undone, and that would just be heartbreaking.

I’m wanting to not have to adult. I want to wander around with my camera, diddle around in the garden, write a lot, read a bunch, mess around with the dogs, but all I find myself ending up doing when I have the time to do those things is napping, playing games on my phone, Netflixing like a pro. Burned out? Maybe. Probably a bit. Not an excuse to let everything fall apart, though. Time to get back up and deal with the life I’m working on creating.

Despite this complete inattention to things, my garden is getting really pretty. The area where I planted the Dahlias, Echinacea, Blazing Stars, etc is blooming all over the place. I had no idea the Blazing Stars would get as tall as they are this year, so they are kind of hiding a whole lot of the beauty behind their foliage. Its ok, though. I can see it. It makes it hard to take photos of it though, unless I’m up close. Anyway, here are some photos of how things are looking out there:

Dahlias, Blazing Stars, Echinacea, oh my

Dahlias, Blazing Stars, Echinacea, oh my

My beautiful echinacea

My beautiful Echinacea

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think in another week or so, things might balance out a bit, visually, but we shall see. I’m not unhappy with it though. It is still so incredibly beautiful to walk out to.

Things in the Stump Garden are an emotional roller coaster: things start to look good and then something comes along and eats them or things go from headed toward gorgeous and things just go wrong in a way that I haven’t been able to figure out, yet. Again, I’m not completely upset with things. It is what it is and things ARE growing in the Stump Garden, which, of course, makes me happy.

I let one of the radishes flower. I had no idea what a radish flower looked like. Sure, I could have just looked it up on the internet, but letting it do its thing in my garden, without pre-knowledge of what to expect, is so much more fun. I was thinking I was going to need to keep a close eye on the radish flowers if I was going to get any seeds for next year out of it, but I discovered the day before yesterday that that is not the case. See for yourself:

Radish seed pod

Radish seed pod

Now, I’m not sure, but I believe the seeds to grow more radishes are in these pea looking pods. I could be wrong. I need to look it up. I really don’t know that much at all about radishes. I know the seeds I planted were nowhere near as large as it looks like these ones are going to be, but…I guess I’ll find out exactly what’s going on with these. Whatever the case, I’m having fun learning new things about what’s growing in my garden.

Here is a photo of what the radish blooms look like:

radish bloom

radish bloom

Such cute, delicate little flowers. I like them. The one plant by itself does not present a mesmerizing show, but I think if I had let a bunch of them bloom…well, it may have been different. Maybe next year.

None of the pumpkin fruits have made it, yet. I’m holding out hope, though. They bloom, have a bulbous formation below the blooms, bloom ends, green bulb stays for about a week, then starts to yellow, then rot. I think that means the flower wasn’t fertilized? Another thing I’ll have to look up.

Well, I have some home chores I really want to tackle today. It’s Lance’s birthday today, but he is out disc golfing, so I have time to do some of the things I’d like to get done, today, before he makes it home. I bought him a brand new grill for his birthday, which he has been wanting for a few years now. It’s a CharBroil 4-burner with a side burner. He loves it. (tried to add a photo of it but can’t seem to get it to show up. sorry about that. here is a link to a photo of one on the CharBroil site.

Have a great day, Everyone!!!

 

 

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About dragonflygypsyusa

Over-thinker with way too much availability to the internet to research whatever might come to mind, amateur photographer, dog enthusiast, learning every day, working on finding my undamaged self.
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