So, I picked the Prius up from the repair shop last Friday (May 27th). I was so excited to finally be picking it up. The rentals were ok, but they just weren’t my car. Besides, the timing was perfect: it was the start of Memorial Day weekend and I had great plans for Uber-ing my way through it. Uber was even having an hourly wage guarantee for certain hours over that weekend.
Saturday morning rolled around and I just couldn’t get in the car to Uber. I thought maybe it was just the fact that I hadn’t been able to drive for a bit and I was re-facing the social anxiety that plagued me at the very beginning. I could deal with that, walk myself through that, knowing that it was a temporary feeling that would more than likely pass once I got back into it. Nope. Couldn’t do it. I guess I am done with Uber.
I am so far behind on the car payments at this point that catching up – well, I just don’t have the money. Sure, the insurance company is going to be sending me some money to cover lost wages during the time I couldn’t drive for Uber because of the accident, but by the time I end up getting that, whenever that is, it will not be enough to get me caught up. I’m already over 3 weeks past due on payments, and that is when Xchange Leasing starts the retrieval process. I called and set up the return of the Prius. It goes back to the dealership on June 15th.
I’m really depressed about this whole thing. I keep trying to talk myself through the good points about the whole experience in an attempt to help me process out of the depression part of this, but it’s not really working too much. One of the good things is that I have now experienced what it is like to drive a brand new car off the lot. This is something I may not have ever had the opportunity to experience otherwise. For a bit, I got to know what it is like to drive a car you don’t have to worry about breaking down somewhere along the path. For a minute, I got to feel like I was really making headway in the whole moving forward process. Now, I need to come up with the $250 disposition fee for when I return the car, make payments toward clearing the lease payment debt, and somehow come up with the cash to pick up a vehicle for me to drive. Yes, I’m a little bit overwhelmed on top of the depression.
For some reason, this all seems to be a bit too much to figure out, though it is really all stuff I have been having to figure out since before the Prius. I guess, maybe, I had let go of the thought that I would be needing to figure it all out, again. In my mind, I had the Prius for the next 3 years, and if I decided that Uber wasn’t going to work out, I would have some time to figure things out a bit before needing to return the car, or I would figure out how to replace the income to cover the car payments. Best laid plans. Crud.
Anyway, here I am, feeling what I’m feeling, trying to formulate plans and solutions, continuing on with left foot, right foot, trying to find my hope, again.
My gardens have started their show, somewhat. Though the sunflowers are a bit smaller than their full, expected height, they have begun to bloom. So pretty. Some of my Blazing Stars are showing signs of preparing to bloom. One of my rose bushes is just covered in
buds, has its first bloom, and I’ll have you know it smells like heaven – full on bury your nose in it lovely. My Painted Daisies are blooming, along with all of the Bachelor Buttons, the Borage, and Marigolds.
I pulled a radish out of the vegetable pool the other day and it was sooo delicious, and spicy! It was a little on the smaller end, but that is ok. The rest will get to grow a bit more before I pull them.
I’m having such a hard time with bugs this year. My Hollyhocks have weevils, something is going on with my Echinacea despite it having a bunch of buds on it, half of my sunflowers look great while the other look like they will never make it to the end of the Summer. One of my Bergamot plants is doing quite well, while the other keeps losing leaves. My HoneySuckle vine is kicking butt, but the leaves at the bottom are turning yellow, while my Clematis is hardly doing anything, though looks quite healthy. The Feverfew is huge, with buds all over it, but half the plants are yellowing while the rest are a bright, healthy green. Lance’s raspberries are absolutely covered in green berries and beautiful green leaves, though it, too, has a bunch of yellowing going on.
I’ve sprayed for bugs, fed the plants, water regularly (of course), sprayed for fungus and for mites, and nothing really seems to make much of a difference. I’ve left the plants alone, except for watering, just in case I’ve been over nutrient-ing them, and that didn’t seem to make a difference. I guess I’m just going to have to wait this out, hopefully seeing something that provides me with that “AH-HA!” moment so I know what needs to happen. I have thought about pulling some leaves off of different plants and taking them to a local nursery to see if I can perhaps get some info about what is going on and what I can do about it. Even my marigolds seem to be being eaten by something. I was told slugs but I can’t imagine slugs targeting just one species of plant, especially when there are so many other tenders around I’m sure they would love more that they don’t touch. Another thing to figure out.
Anyway, I have some things I need to do today. Have a great one, Everyone!!