I’ve been processing some pretty heavy emotions the last couple of days. Sometimes, I don’t feel like I was really made for this world. I feel too much, am too easily damaged by the actions and words of others, feel scarred by each and every dead animal I see on or alongside the road. I have also found that I don’t really completely understand some code of conduct that seems to be a universal standard. Sometimes, I think it would be nice to just be a hermit, away from the goings on of the world, and all that is in it, except for what happens naturally in nature.
I’ve been listening to the book “The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World” by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D. There was a point in time when I never would have even considered that I was an introvert. I have always seemed to seek out social interaction. Having a party? I’m there. A bunch of people getting together to go do something? Count me in.
It hasn’t been until the last 10-15 years that I have noticed that I’m not quite so keen on large gatherings or any other type of social interaction that involves more people than the ones I already know. I have found that these types of situations cause me such huge levels of stress/anxiety that I no longer want to be included in them. Heck. I rarely like to leave the ‘comfort’ of home, regardless of what home looks like.
I have to be honest and say that I have not been listening as intently to this book as I have most of the other audiobooks in my collection. I have a lot on my mind, am a bit overwhelmed by the things I have placed on my plate, lately, in an attempt to improve my life, so I find that The Committee sort of overtakes the listening ability and replaces it with the ‘solving the problems of the world’ brainstorming. The more of the book that makes it past The Committee to my conscious brain, the more I realize that I fit so many of the characteristics of an introvert that Dr. Laney talks about. This leads me to wonder, can an extrovert become an introvert later in life? Or was the person that seemed to be an extrovert actually an introvert, possibly trying to fit in? It also leads me to question just how damaged I may actually be.
No, I’m not blaming others for any damages I may have, though there are those that played their role. During my dancing on the wind leaf mode of living in my younger days, I definitely ran into quite a few things that left their mark in a less than positive way. Living life without direction definitely can set you up to experience a lot of that.
Anyway, the book is causing me to think a lot about how I approach so many things in life, these days. It also makes me question my reactions to a lot of things, as well. Dr. Laney talks a tiny bit about sensitives, more of a mention than anything, and it makes me curious. I think I am going to see what I can find in audiobook format on the topic of sensitives, if for no other reason than to try to understand if this is why absolutely everything seems to hurt my heart. If I understand it, maybe I can better protect/take care of myself.