“If you argue with reality, you will only cause yourself pain. However if you accept reality and build on it, the things you create will be durable, true, and healing.” – Dr. Steve Maraboli; Unapologetically You, pg. 141
I think I have been arguing with reality for some time now. It’s not a complete, full-out battle, but more along the lines of sideways comments and perhaps the occasional cold shoulder coupled with the silent treatment. I’ve been carrying a pretty heavy load for quite some time and I’m tired – exhausted, really – and emotionally drained.
Yeah, I’m having one of those times when I am finding it hard to see/feel what is good in my life. Maybe it would be more accurate to say I’m having a difficult time being good with the good that is a part of my life. It just isn’t feeling like enough, right now.
I hate feeling this way. It definitely isn’t conducive to forward movement and can even be really challenging to just maintain where I’m at, without back sliding. This is me wanting to argue with reality, tell it it isn’t being nice, but I know that is a fruitless endeavor. Arguing with reality does nothing but waste time and, often times, can create damages, undo the good.
I’ve been awake since about 3:30. I’m not sure what woke me up but, apparently, The Committee felt it was time for a review meeting. I think I have come to the realization that The Committee calls these meetings at less than optimal times when I am lying to myself about just what my reality is, or at least parts of it, and those parts are usually the parts I am hiding from myself for a reason, potentially multiple reasons.
Sometimes, I can’t look directly at some of my realities because they overwhelm me and its best to treat them like Medusa in order to keep moving forward. These realities are stuffs that I do plan on dealing with, eventually, but I have a list, an order of action steps to be made in order to reach a point where I can unwrap these realities that I am avoiding or unwilling to look at, at the moment, and face them head on. Unfortunately, reality of any kind does not wait patiently in the shadows waiting for recognition and I end up with mornings like this one, where sleep is cut short, there is a flood of emotions that threaten to drown me, and my armour is feeling a bit too heavy to shrug into. I have no choice but to walk through the pain, try to keep myself upright, and pay attention to signs that this or that reality is ready to be dealt with or will wait no longer for acknowledgement.
Though I am a firm believer that it is best to face reality head on, I realize that sometimes it is better, for me at least, to take in only bite sized bits of it at a time. The good parts, well, those are easily digested. It’s those parts that I want to change or make better that often times need to be dissected and separated into smaller groups of baby steps of action. Sometimes I need to let them simmer in the background so all of the embellishments can sluff off and only the truest part is left. It is much easier to deal with the realities I am less than pleased with when they aren’t cloaked in intimidating colors of emotion and storyline.