It Must Be the Holiday Season…

I’m feeling very uncreative today. I guess maybe I have fallen into a funk. I believe it started a week or so ago but I’ve been fighting to stay out of it, mostly by not acknowledging it. That hasn’t worked out so well so I am going to try to full on embracing it method. Should be interesting.

I was wanting to write…scratch that. I am trying to get myself in the habit of writing more every day. I opened OneNote because not everything I want or could decided to write is necessarily something I would want to publish on here. Somethings are mine, at least for the moment. On a different day, I may see the same thing as perfect blogging material. Anyway…

I came across my notes for the blog post I had been planning on doing for some time now about goals. The little bit that I had written, so far, seems good to me, but I guess I’m just not in the right spot for it right now. I’ve tucked it away and will revisit it one day, I am sure.

I am going to The Rootbeer Store tomorrow with my best friend. I need to go pick out some rootbeers for the gift pack I bought for one of the kids for Christmas. Its nothing too special but I figured it was something they would enjoy. I’m hoping that taste testing rootbeers with my best friend tomorrow will help me get past this completely annoying ick I seem to be stuck in. Man, I really don’t like this time of year.

The weather is yucky, this year a bit bipolar with rain, winds, sun, cold, and unseasonably warm. Granted, the weather always seems a bit bipolar here to me. The overcast and rain and cold to super cold weather is really challenging for me to face with a smile, or at least the thought of one. I’m not sure how I’m going to make it happen, but I really think I need to come up with a plan to move somewhere that isn’t so prone to mirroring the yuck inside of me sometimes.

I’ve come to realize while reading On Writing by Stephen King that I am extremely inhibited in my writing. I am constantly thinking about what my parental units would think if they read this or that, what all of YOU might think of me if I were to write that thought or that reality down, what you all think of me already. I have some followers, 154 including my parents, and I have to say that is more than I thought I would ever have. Then I go and compare myself to other bloggers and find myself wondering why I even bother, sometimes. There are too many bloggers that I have found that have been doing this for extremely less time than I have that have thousands of followers. I read their stuff to see what it is they are writing about, their writing mannerisms and such, to see if I can figure out what they are doing right that I may not be. Sometimes, I think I should just give up on this whole blogging thing but then I think about the fact that my parents read this. I am beyond horrible about keeping in touch, it’s just not something I have ever been good at, and this is one way they can “see” what I am up to. Plus, I love that my parents read this and enjoy it. I guess my reality and my wishes are not matching up, again. A lot of times, I can see that for what it is and not be bothered by it but other times it can derail me.

I know part of this funk is the insane amount of down time I am having this pay period, Christmas is coming, I don’t feel like I am making enough money, my husband can’t seem to find work, life keeps trudging along despite my desires to have it just take a breath and let me catch up. Something has got to change and apparently that is all on me too. Yay.

Ok. Enough with the spewing of ugliness. I was hoping I’d find the turn around spot by writing about this uncomfortable stretch of road and start heading my way back toward less treacherous paths but I haven’t found it yet. No sense continuing to plague you all with my yuck.

Until tomorrow…

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About dragonflygypsyusa

Over-thinker with way too much availability to the internet to research whatever might come to mind, amateur photographer, dog enthusiast, learning every day, working on finding my undamaged self.
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