I am overwhelmed with sadness, this morning. I want to crawl back in bed and pull the covers over my head, but I crawled out of bed in the first place because my brain, The Committee, was jabbering on and on about this and that, real or not, good or bad, bad or just undecided…and on and on and on. I have not had to deal with this for a while and am unsure what triggered this episode. I hate that I am incapable of making it stop and that I have to be extra vigilant in stalking my thoughts, focusing at least half of my energies toward reminding myself that this will pass and it’s not as bad as it feels, seems, ‘looks’ like.
I don’t think I can have my husband cleaning with me any more. We are starting to get call backs, something I seldom ever get, and what is being pointed out is the stuff that he is supposed to take care of on the cleans. I don’t know how to talk with him about it. I’ve tried and it always turns out the same: he gets his feelings hurt, gets upset with me, we argue, I have to deal with it and take care of the problem. Seeing as I absolutely hate call backs, it’s just not a good situation all the way around.
I have been looking into school, yet again. I’ve come to realize that I have started doing this whenever I am feeling really stuck in my life. “Go back to school, get a better/different job, get unstuck” I believe is the thought process on this. It’s not a bad thought but… I don’t know how I make school work and still have an income. Hell, I’m not sure how I make school work, period.
I have maxed out funding for school for anything that is associate level, which is where I would be looking. I could get some funding if I wanted to work on my BS in Criminal Justice, but…well, I just am not feeling that right now. I think, because I’m feeling really stuck, it feels like it would take way too long to accomplish anything that would improve my life walking down the criminal justice path. Yeah, I’m feeling irretrievably stuck, the perpetual catch 22, real or perceived.