Trying to Adjust and Some New Beauties…

Tru-dog's Passing Candle

Tru-dog’s Passing Candle

Truman’s passing candle burned out this morning. I had woken up around 5am and it was still burning but when I woke, again, at 7am, it had finished. A nice, relatively clean, four-day burn, which brings me some solace. Truman crossed easily.

My heart is heavy today. I spent the beginnings of my morning in silence, which isn’t really that abnormal. Today, though, the silence was for reflection over the life of my beloved dog. I miss him beyond measure. Though I know there will be other great dogs in my life, some that are in my life right now, the relationship with Tru-dog was unique.

That dog helped me make it through some rather challenging, life-altering events. I get to go through this one without him. He is getting the much deserved rest he more than earned being my dog. I know he will be back to help me through other difficult times, which I am grateful for, though it will be without the ability to bury my tear-stained face in his furry neck and without my fingers knotted in his fur.

Achilles has really up-ed his claiming me manuevers since Truman is no longer around. If Lance rests his head on me, Achilles immediately hurries over and lays across me, placing himself between me and Lance. He then gives Lance kisses followed by nuzzling me. Achilles has also taken to being quite discontent whenever Enzo or Luna get on the bed.

He has never been super happy about having to share the bed with them but, over the past days, he has added a very mean sounding growl to his display of discontent. Of course, he has to get off the bed immediately after he makes said growl, which I’m sure adds to his displeasure. When Enzo gets on the bed and Achilles has to get off due to his growling, he has started just staying off the bed until Enzo is no longer up there.

It’s so weird not having a dog that is mine and mine alone. Sure, Tru-dog was a family dog but he made sure everyone knew he was my dog first. Enzo, Achilles, and Luna are more both Lance’s and mine. I guess that could change, now, though. I guess I will see.

I know for sure that Luna is not going to become my dog. She picked Lance early on and, though she gets very lovey and sometimes just wants Mom cuddles, she has also made sure that there is no confusion. She is Lance’s dog.

Enzo was my dog in the beginning. Then, for reasons I am not completely sure of, he seems to have picked Lance. He has moments when I think he is changing his mind, again, only to have he completely ignore me for Lance. Silly dog.

Achilles has always kind of been both of our dog. He loves going for walks with Lance, and has always been my cuddle bug. Like I said, he seems to be changing some of that, though I don’t see him ever denying a walk with Lance.

In the meantime, while things sort themselves out and we adjust to the one less pack, I feel like a zombie. Yesterday was an ok day but I still felt the gaping hole that is in my chest. Today, curling up in the fetal position, throwing the covers over my head, and pretending that the world outside doesn’t exist is exactly what I feel like doing, despite it not being a very realistic plan.

I was going to upload some photos of the newest, long-awaited blooms in the gardens but, for some reason, I’m having troubles getting them to actually go from my phone to my WordPress library. I did get two of them to go, though, so I’ll leave you with these little gems:

The 'Wild' Bergamot is blooming!!

The ‘Wild’ Bergamot is blooming!!

my first cardinal climber bloom!! YAY!

my first cardinal climber bloom!! YAY!


About dragonflygypsyusa

Over-thinker with way too much availability to the internet to research whatever might come to mind, amateur photographer, dog enthusiast, learning every day, working on finding my undamaged self.
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