Searching for Something…


A good thing to remember. I fight with perfectionism. I know I’m not perfect but often find that I feel I should be. When someone points out a flaw in something I’ve done or in the way I have done it, I find that all of the worst thoughts about myself take over my brain. Ok. Maybe not to that extent anymore, but it used to reach that level and still happens enough to bring self-doubt to the forefront. Trying not to do that to myself is a work in progress. Brene Brown says that perfectionism is a result of fear. I can believe that. Fear of not being enough, not being good enough, not being accepted, of being rejected…I’m sure there are others but these are just the ones that come to mind. What a horrible way to live. I’m not sure where the perfectionism started or why, but I know it’s there and I don’t want it. I’m not saying I don’t want to be good at what I do, whatever that may be, but that I would like to do it without The Committee putting in its two cents worth.

I know there are things that I am good at. The really annoying thing is that all it takes for the self-kicking to begin is the negative opinion of one other person, any other person. Constructive criticism? Oh, that takes a bit to process and get into the right category. It always starts out in the self-kicking category, though, which seems utterly obnoxious to me. I often have to tell myself that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks as long as I know I did my best and am happy with the result. This would be great if that one negative opinion couldn’t kick that idea right out the door. Well, not always. It may start to make that happen but sometimes I can convince myself I just don’t care what anyone else thinks of ??? that I have done. It would be nice to have it not have to be a thought process and a convincing myself session. I’ll get there.


About dragonflygypsyusa

Over-thinker with way too much availability to the internet to research whatever might come to mind, amateur photographer, dog enthusiast, learning every day, working on finding my undamaged self.
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