Why is it that when I get more than enough sleep I wake up grumpy? Ugh…I hate that. I would think it would be the other way, I’d wake up feeling great, but that doesn’t seem to be the case this morning and I’ve experienced this same thing before. Maybe one night of more than enough sleep isn’t enough. Or maybe its too much. I don’t know. I just feel really grrr this morning and I’m not liking it at all.
I did something yesterday that I haven’t done in a long time. I posted a pic on The Lens of My Camera for this past Friday’s Weekly Photo Challenge at The Daily Post. The topic is Fresh. As I was getting ready to make my coffee yesterday morning, I noticed my coffee grinder, full of beans, and thought “well, that’s fresh” and clicked a less than perfect photo with my phone.
I have to admit that even this small act of creativity has sparked that side in me, again. This is a great thing. I have been feeling so uncreative, which is not a good thing for me, I have come to find. I do so much better when I nurture and honor my creative side.
I’ve also realized that I tend to drop my creative side first when I start to get too overwhelmed by life. I don’t think this is a good thing. In my head, I think I should be tapping into my creative side even more when I’m overwhelmed. It would probably help me deal with the perceived chaos a bit better.
I listened to Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection again yesterday. I’ll probably listen to it again today. There really are some great things to hear and incorporate into my life. One thing that really stood out for me yesterday is the need for play, which seems to be something I have stopped doing and hadn’t really noticed. Ok. I’ve noticed. I just hadn’t thought of it in the same way Brene Brown describes it.
Play. Singing, dancing, laughing, being goofy, no plan of the next actions. Just being yourself and having fun with it. Enticing joy to come be a part of you. Or walking into joy without reservation, without fear, with nothing more than the light of your soul to guide you with complete abandon.
I write this and feel my soul long for this state of being. I’m always so focused on what has to be done next, what needs to be taken care of, how I’m going to make this or that happen, left foot, right foot, repeat. This is acting from a place of fear and shame, according to The Gifts of Imperfection. I’m vigilantly striving for perfection at all times. Or at least it feels like all times. I’m not saying I succeed at this perfection thing, because I am aware that is not the case.
I’ve become uncomfortable with anyone else being in charge of making sure things get done or happen. I’ve tried letting that go but always find myself taking it back. I get things done. I know how they are going to happen. There has been so much uncertainty in my life for so many years now that having just that much control over things helps reduce my stress level. Ok. It seems like it does but I am coming to realize that it just makes the stress something more mine. Weird, I know, and I don’t completely understand it, but I know I need to change it, somehow.
So, I have a goal to achieve, now. I want to add play back into my life. I really don’t know what that looks like or how I am going to make that happen, but I’m starting with my camera. It might take me a minute to get back in the habit, but I am going to try to make at least one submission to The Daily Post’s Weekly Photo Challenge each week. This, of course, means I have to step out of the rut I’m in so I can make the time to wander with my camera. I can do this. I’m going to do this. I love me and its time I really showed myself this.