Getting Centered, Covered Tulips, Hollyhock, and Allium, and Abandonment Issues…

I had a 3 bedroom, two bath townhouse to clean today. I have to say that I think I am getting to be a bit more centered with the whole cleaning by myself thing. I didn’t really find myself getting too anxious or upset about how long it takes me to get these done. Honestly, I think I may be getting the cleans done faster, overall, than I was with help if you split the time it takes me to do them by myself into two. Maybe not. Ok. By the time I’m almost done with the clean, I’m a bit wound up because I’m completely done for the day, tired, just wanting to go home,so every last little thing that still needs to get done, like light switches, really bugs me. Its silly, really, because these little things are so…well, easy. I think the problem is my soul is trying to leave before I’m done and my mind won’t let it.

Tulips and Allium

Tulips and Allium

I forgot to uncover my tulips, hollyhock, and Allium yesterday before going to work. I don’t think I was really in my body yesterday morning. Anyway, they seem to have fared alright with the little ‘sauna’ they had yesterday with all the sun and their covers on. Thank goodness. I would have just cried if I had killed them off by being absent-minded. Its only supposed to get down to 47 degrees tonight so I am going to skip the covers for them tonight.

I have gotten to put my sunflowers out the last couple of days, so the hardening off process has begun, again. If the weather works with me, I should be able to transplant them into the ground instead of larger soda bottles. My fingers are crossed. Come on Spring!!!

Lance came home on Sunday night and went back up this morning to the yurt build. He took Enzo with him, and I’m having some issues about it. I know he can’t take all four dogs with him to the build but…well…part of me feels this is a bit unfair. Luna claimed him shortly after we brought her home, which was surprising with her issues with men. Truman has always been my dog, no questions about it. Achilles I think is my dog. He acts like it most of the time then has times when he wants nothing and no one but Lance. I guess we will see how that works out over this coming year. Enzo started out as my dog, then really attached to Lance because  he is the fun parent, then, lately, has seemed to be favoring me some over Lance. I think this is part of the reason he took Enzo with him. Luna also can’t be trusted around strangers, or to wander around but stay close enough that we can see her. She gets to wandering and I think she doesn’t even realize where she has wandered off to. When she is wandering, she is really in the moment.

I think part of the reason I am having a difficult time with Lance taking Enzo with him is I am having some serious abandonment issues with Tally leaving suddenly, then Lance gets the yurt build soon after and isn’t here to clean with me either, and now he comes home for basically a day, is hot to trot to get out the door, and takes the one dog he calls his all of the time. Part of me thinks its silly to feel abandoned but another part of me thinks it’s not really all that unreasonable. I kind of have been abandoned, whatever the reason(s). I’m trying to make peace with it. A good cry might help but I’m not really all that good at allowing myself to do that. The tears tend to come whenever they do, and usually at the weirdest of times, like when I’m listening to something funny. I’m an odd one, I have to say.

Well, its Tuesday, which means pizza night ($10 pizza night at Papa Murphy’s), and the timer just went off. Its time to call it a day, let go of figuring out all the important matters of the world, and just be me. Have a great night, everyone!!!

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About dragonflygypsyusa

Over-thinker with way too much availability to the internet to research whatever might come to mind, amateur photographer, dog enthusiast, learning every day, working on finding my undamaged self.
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2 Responses to Getting Centered, Covered Tulips, Hollyhock, and Allium, and Abandonment Issues…

  1. Tim Taylor says:

    I truly hope that life get’s better for you real soon. I know the hardships you’re dealin’ with on a personal basis and it is truly not a fun time in your life. I believe things will start to look up soon 🙂

    Like

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