I woke up just frustrated and irritated this morning. I hate waking up that way. It makes it hard to completely shake the feeling as I go through my wake up process and often times stays with me through much of the day. I’m sure if I could determine the cause of the feelings I would be able to process myself out of it/them, but, unfortunately, the mood is set, making it hard to determine that root cause. I’m already feeling icky which then just makes too much of my life seem like the culprit. Ugh. It’s a self-stalking type of day.
So, what does self-stalking look like? Watching the words that come out of my mouth to verify they don’t have razor-sharp edges. Checking in with myself throughout the day to see how I’m doing, since the emotional pendulum will swing from discontent and angry to hopeless and depressed. Being gentle with myself because I’m obviously processing something important, even if I have no idea what that is. Asking myself throughout the day what the hell is wrong with me isn’t going to be helpful. Listening to the thoughts running through my head to make sure I am not being my worst enemy and/or sneakily working on sabotaging myself with every move and/or thought. Allowing myself to just feel what I’m feeling, without judgement (this one can be really hard to do sometimes).
Today would be a good day to curl up with a book, read, nap, and overall just allow myself to heal through whatever I’m going through. The answer always comes that way. Solitude helps, of course, for many reasons, not the least of them being the lack of taking victims or feeling like someone else’s victim. I guess I’m needing a Mieke day.
I have the day off, mostly. I have a touch-up clean of a unit I did a little while back. It never was rented out and it needs a good shine put back on it. It shouldn’t take long. I may just go do this by myself since I am wanting the alone time anyway. After that, maybe I will go somewhere with my camera. However this day plays out, I’ll make it through it as gracefully as I can, one step at a time.