I have the day off today and I have to say that I am almost as excited about it as a little kid on Christmas morning. I slept in a bit this morning, which was really nice. I’d probably still be sleeping if my wonderful Mr. Achilles hadn’t come lay on top of me and kissed my face off. I love that little dog.
I have a grand day planned. It includes a shower (desperately needed), dishes (also desperately needed), possibly go get my hair trimmed, and paint my toe nails ( I wore my flip-flops yesterday!). These things are all planned to get done as I get to them, so there may be things I just don’t get to (other than the shower and dishes. they are a must). I’m going to let my mood lead me through this day. If I don’t feel like doing something, I’m not going to. My little act of rebellion.
I hit a point, yesterday, while I was cleaning, where I felt really upset. I found myself heading toward sabotage. I wanted to just walk out of the clean and tell Cayle “Sorry. I just can’t do this any more. Thanks for everything.” There are a multitude of reasons this didn’t and shouldn’t happen. Probably the biggest reason is it’s just not who I am these days.
Despite how discontent I am with work and how much I don’t like the way Cayle runs his business (I would assume most wouldn’t think anything of it. I have too many opinions sometimes), he has been there for me when I have really needed help, like whenever I’ve had a vehicle give up the race. I also find Cayle to be comfortable to talk with, and he apparently finds the same to be true about me, since we have talked about things that don’t necessarily have anything to do about work. There have been times at the end of a conversation he has thrown out “Thanks for the therapy session!”
Most of all, I have more respect for myself than to act so irresponsibly. Not only would it be acting completely without integrity to just walk out, I also don’t have any other money coming in and it would put me in a real pickle to just quit. I like knowing how I’m going to pay rent, the bills, eat.
What this all boils down to is I am starting to feel some mental instability happening. I know Spring is just around the corner (19 days) and that has an effect on the bipolar mind, but its more than that. I’m over stressed by work, the goings on in my family unit, most everything. I need to slow down a bit or I fear I will just crash. I guess one of the things I should be working on today is writing Cayle an email about hiring another team for the South Sound area so I am not the only one down here, and I can start doing this part-time.
Being so sick this week and not being able to take a day or two off to get well tells me it is definitely time for Cayle to hire a second team down here. Yes, this is going to cut into my income, but I feel that’s better than running myself into the ground which would result in no income. I think Cayle will be ok with this. I guess I’ll find out soon enough.