I was going to write about a situation that has been going on in my husband’s family for a few years now, but I realized I am getting caught up in the chaos. Its hard to watch the distances grow and the feeling that are being hurt but I am aware that I am unable to be of any use in this. Letting go.
I did something last night that I haven’t done in years. I went to a 12-step meeting. I have to admit that I was having a hard time hearing the message that was trying to be conveyed, but I know that has to do with the fact that I have not gotten over/let go of the resentment I have that caused me to stop going to meetings in the first place. Will I continue to go to meetings now? I guess we shall see.
My head is all over the place this morning, and I am having way too many emotions trying to ride on the thought roller coaster. For the most part, I am feeling angry, which leads me to wonder if the anger is actually sadness or hurt or frustration that I haven’t processed or have hidden in the storage locker to keep it out of sight. Sometimes, I really don’t like that I think so damn much about everything.
I’m in a funk. I’m not sure I should be writing anything this morning because mostly what I want to do is complain about everything in general, whether or not complaining is something valid. I think I may have ended up at the meeting last night partly because it used to be an avenue for me to get out my grievances and usually receive feedback after the meeting. I don’t really have that anywhere, anymore. The thoughts stay in my head and The Committee gets to do whatever they want with them, unsupervised by outside input. Dangerous situation there with a high likelihood for disaster. Maybe a start an anonymous blog and just vomit out the yuck. HA! Probably not.
Anyway, I hope all of you are having a better mental health day than I am. My the spirit of the season bring smiles to your face.