Its 19 degrees this morning. I bought some gloves yesterday for blogging on these very cold mornings. I love fuzzy socks in the winter for keeping my feet warm, so these fuzzy gloves looked like they would probably do the trick for keeping my fingers warm, at least long enough to write a blog post in the mornings, and still be able to find the keys on my keyboard without striking four of them at one time. So far, so good. The only moderate dysfunction so far seems to be trying to move the cursor around. I can do it, it just isn’t extremely fluid, but I can live with that.
I looked at/tried on some of the gloves that have the finger tips that are touch screen compatible but their finger tips seemed to bunchy at the ends. Thankfully, I do not have a touch screen computer, though I do believe they would have made moving the cursor around using the touch pad much more fluid. Since moving the cursor around is not one of the main actions I do on my laptop while writing, all is good. I really hope it doesn’t get any colder, though, or these Kermit the Frog colored, fuzzy gloves of mine are not going to be enough.
I didn’t blog yesterday. I had the day off, slept in a little bit, and had every intention of blogging but never got to it. I wrote about 4 different posts in my head.
I started this post this morning when my laptop decided it needed a restart. This turned into an hours long process that I didn’t have the time for this morning since I had a clean to do. Thanks for that, Windows 8.
I find that as the day has progressed, I have become more and more discontent. I am not sure why discontent has chosen today to burrow in, but it most definitely has, in a horrible way. Days like this are frustrating.
I seem to be discontent with everything: living situation, work, the weather, life, even the dogs. I feel like running away. I don’t like the way that sounds. “I feel like just walking away from it all and starting over” doesn’t sound quite as juvenile. I think this is a sign that I am either really depressed and doing nothing about it or overwhelmed by this life, always left foot, right foot, repeat, and feel inadequate to be the one in charge of keeping it all afloat. I feel like the only one in my ‘gypsy camp’ with any sense of responsibility. I know this means I need to be talking with my family more about the things that are bothering me, but I already know the responses from having these types of discussions with them before, and, frankly, I just don’t have the fight left in me. Its easier to just do it myself than to set myself up to be disappointed and doing it anyway. On the other hand, I am apparently disappointed anyway. Crap.
This loops me back to the whole “walking away” thing, again. Live by myself so there is only my own clutter to deal with. Sometimes, that sounds so great, but, in reality, I have the secret fear that I will die by some horrible luck of bad timing and leave my kids without any parents before they have had the chance to get steady on their own feet on their own path. The thought devastates me when it makes a visit.
I think this is a problem of having a hard time finding middle ground, being independent to a fault, and having no patience. I just want things to get done. I believe that if you see something that needs to be done, then do it. Don’t wait to see if anyone else is going to do it. Don’t put it off as not your problem. If it is in your living space, then it is your problem. I know this is a concept I have developed over the years, as I FINALLY started to grow up just a bit, but once it developed, it clicked tightly into place like a puzzle piece.
Well, this has apparently turned into a rant, and probably one that I should walk away from, now. I tried to turn the last few paragraphs into something not so…whiney?…but, as you can see, ended up there anyway. I hope you all had a great day and your evening/night is filled with only the best of memories.