Days off, Planning Direction, Learning How to go Slower…

Yesterday started my 3 day vacation from work. I had great plans of this or that to do in a lackadaisical manner, refueling my soul, recharging the battery. None of those things happened.

Apparently, buried in the deep recesses of my mind, there is the fear that these days off will be just as much work as work itself. I woke up yesterday about an hour and a half later than I normally do. As I lay casually in bed cuddling my Tru-dog, who had decided to stay home from the walk yesterday morning, I felt like these days off were getting off to a great start. I rolled out of bed to make my coffee.

As I headed out the door with my coffee and laptop to sit at my desk (which is outside), I noticed I felt a little queasy. I decided I would wait until after I had blogged for the morning to do a more thorough systems check. I never made it to my blog (obviously).

As I sat drinking my coffee, staring at the blank post page on my computer screen, it became apparent that I needed to crawl back in bed. I had arranged with my friend to be at her house about 9 o’clock. It was ten minutes to 8. I put my laptop away, finished up my coffee, set the alarm for 8:30, and crawled back in bed, taking advantage of being able to have the whole bed all to myself. When the alarm went off at 8:30, which felt like mere seconds later, I crawled out of bed, again, made a second coffee (very unlike me), and headed out the door. I still felt icky but figured it would wear off as my system eased into the day.

It was really great getting to sit, drink coffee, and chat over at my friend’s house. I love hanging out, drinking coffee and haven’t been able to do that with anyone for quite some time. I really enjoyed it. I wish there were more time for this activity on a regular basis, but there doesn’t seem to be. My friend is just as busy as I am, if not more so. I hope she enjoyed the coffee hang out as much I did.

I headed home from there to crawl in bed, again. Maybe a little more sleep would leave me not feeling so icky. I think it’s just wrong to get sick on days off, pseudo vacation days. Being sick on pseudo vacation days just doesn’t feel like days off to me. Sure, you’re not working or expected to, but wouldn’t you be staying home if you’re sick anyway? Not the same. These are supposed to be my freebie days, not days for my body to decide it has the chance to be sick. Yes, I’m pouting a little bit.

I woke up today feeling a little bit better. The upside to being sick while you have some days off is there isn’t any pressure to hurry up and get better so you can get back on the wheel. Yesterday, I slept some and spent the rest of the time being a sloth on my bed, watching Netflix. I just finished the last episode in the latest season of the Vampire Diaries on Netflix. The latest season of Supernatural is up next. My son has watched this season of Supernatural and is longing to chat with someone about it so…Supernatural it is.

I picked up 15 more audiobooks the other day. I have actually started a plan of what I am going to be listening to for a while, besides the language programs. Spirituality and religion have always been topics that interest me. Spirituality, that thing that brings you to the center of you, is a personal thing, I believe. There are a million different and similar methods peddled out there as being the key to finding your own spirituality. I’m of the thought that whatever centers you, whatever reconnects you with you and brings you peace is the thing that you should be doing on a regular basis, whatever that may look like. If it works for you, doesn’t harm you or anyone else, then do it. I don’t think there is necessarily a wrong way of doing that.

Religion…well, religion is religion. I don’t pretend to know what religion is right or wrong. I have my own opinions on each of the religions I understand, and I can see the benefits that could be had by following a specific religion, or mixing a few together. For me, what it boils down to is this: If you find something that helps you make it through the more difficult times in life, that helps you maintain some level of morality, and possibly helps you understand yourself and others better, than go with what works for you.

I don’t really have anything against any religion. I just don’t understand religious followers that have closed their minds off to the idea that any other religion could be just as valid as the one the feeds them. Every religious sect has its own group of devote followers and this just tells me that they each have some form of validity to them. I feel like when one religious sect, or its followers, place judgement on another, different religious sect or its followers, then they have lost hold of the true message. It has become an us and them thing and I don’t think religion, any religion, was designed to promote that type of thinking. My shoes are purple and yours are green, but they are both good shoes. Does that make sense?

Anyway, so the audiobooks I recently picked up are mostly about spirituality and religions. A couple are from the Modern Scholar recorded books. Religion, Myth, and Magic; the Anthropolgy of Religion is one and Discovering the Philosopher in You: The Big Questions in Philosophy. I have two from the Great Courses, World Religions series: Christianity and Hinduism. The End of Faith; Religion, Terror, and the Future of Reason by Sam Harris. The Theory of Everything; The Origin and Fate of the Universe by Stephen W. Hawking. The Great Transformation; The Beginning of our Religious Traditions by Karen Armstrong. An audiobook with guided meditations, another with Buddhist tales of happiness, another one on Tao. I guess maybe I just want to understand these perspectives better.

Some may look at this and think I am lost and looking. I’m not. Though I don’t believe that I have the world or life figured out, I am secure in my own ‘belief’ system. Religion and spirituality fascinate me and I think this has to do with my fascination in human behavior. I think both are interwoven, though I couldn’t tell you exactly how. Maybe I’ll find that.

Despite not feeling well, I have been finding it somewhat of a challenge to make myself slow down and relax, completely. The list of things that need to be done around home starts to manically circle my head and I have had to firmly tell myself that I am on a mini vacation. Sure, there are things that I absolutely must get done, like laundry, but the rest, though still stuff on the to-do list, are not pressing. Teaching myself how to differentiate between the two, how to let myself rest and not obsess about moving forward in every area of my life for just a few days, has proven to be somewhat of a challenge. Perhaps this is why my body woke up yesterday feeling icky. Sabotage to the driven, keep moving part of me that doesn’t know how to just let things wait, and that alone is still progress. 😉

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About dragonflygypsyusa

Over-thinker with way too much availability to the internet to research whatever might come to mind, amateur photographer, dog enthusiast, learning every day, working on finding my undamaged self.
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