My head is swimming with memories today. I don’t know if it is the sleep I have gotten since I finally had a day off (actually two days off. My clean for today canceled) or the fact that the kids’ Dad’s side of the family has been a topic for a couple of days since yet another person has died. Either way, the memories just keep showing up like a gallery widget wheel.
I am not close with that side of the kids’ family. There are issues and personality conflicts run rampant. Its been quite a few years (about 16 years) since those people were a part of my everyday life and, after having them back in the moderate forefront for a couple days, I am reminded of how happy I am for that.
Don’t get me wrong. These are not completely horrible people. Well, not all of them. In all actuality, I know it is just their scarring (everyone has some) that makes them the way they are. That and the lack of seeing their scarring for what it is and our personality/perspective differences.
But…well, there is a part of me that misses and is hurt by the lack of relationship with some of them. Like the kids’ oldest two siblings (their dad’s oldest two daughters). Somewhere, I became…I’m not sure how to describe it…its not really “the enemy” position but it is very similiar in feeling.
I met those two girls when they were 10 and 13 ( I was 19). There was a time when we were close. Now, I doubt they would stop to help if they saw me stranded on the side of the road. How it got like this, I am not sure. Life, I guess.
I’ve stopped being an active participant on Facebook. This was a choice I made a few months back. If something stops feeding your soul, then its time to move on and that was the case with Facebook. It left me feeling more alone than feeling connected so I decided it wasn’t worth it. I’ll still hop on sometimes to see what’s up with certain people, the girls included, but that’s about it. I don’t post, comment or like. Well, I’ll like some of the things I see about the people I truly care about, but even that is the barest minimum and has a lot to do with my own mood at the time. I guess I would be classified as the occasional FB troller.
I guess I’m just having an emotional morning. Not the break down and cry broken-heartedly type of emotional. Just the stuck in reviewing my life type of emotional. Not necessarily sad, but perhaps missing some of the good times gone by.
Isn’t it amazing that most of us remember the good parts of things much more than the bad? Recalling the bad in memories often takes thought while the good just floods in, uninvited and uninhibited. Sure there are exceptions – traumatic events, damaging/scarring events – but usually its the good that stands out like a beckon of hope. Or maybe that’s just how it works for me.
At any rate, I’m feeling nostalgic, remembering the good times, missing them in ways. I think parts of me wish I could decipher why things changed in different situations that made them come to an end. Or, perhaps, its just my mind’s way of dealing with stress by presenting a comfortable format to process things in. Whatever it is, the slide show goes on and I am enthralled by each new slide that comes up.
As with all things, life itself has a bad habit of changin’. Liek the sayin; goes, “The only thing that remains the same is change”. I know how you feel about bein nostalgic, I have recently been havin’ a bout of that myself.
HA!! “The only thing that remains the same is change.” I have used that saying as a moving on, letting go mantra many times. Sometimes I can glide through change like an Olympia ice skater. Other times, like the Wiley Coyote…lol
I don’t so much mind change, especially if it’s for the better. Which coincidentally doesn’t happen very often.
I am in a similar situation with my family, I had to remove some of them from my life, most of them actually and I know it was for the best, but sometimes I miss what use to be. Family reunions, Christmases, birthdays and things like that. I still love them all dearly I just cant have them in my life right now, and they pretty much hate me for it, my sisters and I havent talked for over 3 years and rhis past christmas I was on the phone with my dad and he asked me if I wanted to talk to mandy ( my big sis ) so I said um sure if she wants to talk to me, so he said hold on thwn he got back on the phone and said nevermind.
Ouch!! How heart-breaking! I’m grateful that these people are not part of my core family, the family I grew up with. That’s not to say that there aren’t…differences within there as well. I hope you and your sisters come around. Siblings are important in ways most of us never truly realize, I think. (((hugs)))
Yeah maybe one day we will, I do miss them both.
I’m sure they miss you too though are too proud to admit it.
Memories ought to be past tense