I am not even sure what I am going to write but I miss my blog so much, I must write SOMETHING.
Life is as usual…busy; the roller coaster charges on. Ok. At least it feels like a charging roller coaster, some days, that I’m trying to keep up with. So far, I am succeeding, though I am starting to feel a little run down.
Getting to this point always scares me. I worry I’m going to crash (emotionally, mentally) and either have a hard time getting going again or not be able to do so at all. It has gone both ways before, depending on what cycle my bipolar was in.
A few days off to just recharge would be good, but I keep accepting cleaning jobs that fill the days I do have off. I have a goal and I am extremely focused on it. I want to achieve it with every fiber of my being and, to me at least, I feel that means continuing on in the manner I have been. Well, at least for now.
I know that once things get a bit more settled, when I really get into the groove of what I’m doing and some of the major things that need attending to have been dealt with, I will start to schedule my work time a bit more sanely. Maybe not. I said I have a goal. What I should have said is I have a few goals.
I’ve noticed that about myself. When I get going toward something, really put myself in the middle and run with it, I just keep going. There just hasn’t been a whole lot that I’ve done that with in my life so far. Is that a bad thing? I’m not sure.
In some ways, I suppose it says a little about me. I have spent a lot of my life without a whole lot of direction. I mentioned in an earlier post that I get consumed by new experiences, and I don’t believe that is necessarily a completely bad thing. I have had some really great experiences. I have also had some not so great ones. Lets just say I am chock full of character…lol.
Perhaps it is an age thing and I have taken this long to mature to the point of picking directions as opposed to letting the wind carry me like dandelion seed. Drifting on the wind may lend itself to… interesting experiences, but it doesn’t really build a stable life. Now, in my early 40’s, I am longing for stability and have decided to pursue that with everything I can give it. More, if possible.
Do you know what is really amazing about that? I can see, actually visualize, what reaching the goals I have in mind looks like with such clarity. I can’t remember ever having such a clear picture of what reaching a set goal would look like. This is not to say I haven’t achieved other goals. I just got there by…catching the right wind current?
Saying I just reached the goal seems so un-goal achieving to me. There is no how, no why, no…well, no descriptive and, in my mind, I apparently have some pre-set notion that part of achieving a goal is the descriptive story on how you got there. I decided to do “X,” so I just did “X” seems so blah. Shouldn’t there be some sort of magnificent story about struggling against the odds to make it to your desired destination? I suppose not.
Maybe this is why I have never looked upon any of the goals I have set for myself in the past as…amazing. Perhaps I have always set my sights on goals that were too easily achieved for me to be able to feel super impressed with what I accomplished. I turned my achievements into mundane parts of life that you just do anyway. I’m not sure where I got the notion that in order for a goal to be exciting and a ‘trophy’ to look upon, it must be challenging to achieve.
Am I alone in this notion? What goals have you set for yourself, and achieved, that you look at now as just something you did? I would love to hear some stories!!
Have a great day out there!! Be good to yourself!!