It stuck out of the rows of lavender like a blinking light, its white a dramatic contrast to the light green and soft purple. I ripped it out from its hiding spot, ready to crumple it then stuff it in the large black garbage bag in my left hand. The words caught my attention and I found myself comfortably trapped inside the tale.
As I finished the last page of emotion dressed as words, I folded the pages and put them in my back pocket. I could not yet part with the pureness written on those pages. As I continued on my path, collecting this piece or that piece of ill discarded trash, I found my mind returning to the words of the letter. Such naked honesty, emotions offered without inhibition, and a peace not often found in everyday life. I smile, allowing myself to fall back into everything the letter provided, feeling grateful to have found such a treasure amongst the trash.
http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_assignment/writing-101-day-five/
In The Commons, you ask if this is too vague. I’d like to tell you right now that you’ve managed to make me, as a reader, ignore the fact that I don’t know what it says. Here’s why:
1) The speaker’s reaction to the letter is conveyed QUITE well. I can picture a young woman cleaning trash in her back yard on a warm summer day. I can see her nearly tossing away that letter, only to have her curiosity get the best of her. I can see her reading it intently, followed by a gleam in her eyes and a smile on her face as she places it back into its envelope then slips it into her back pocket.
That’s what your description (which is excellent, by the way), has done for me.
2) The flow is good. Pacing is also good. It’s your wording, though, that is the strength. One of the key takeaways for me is this:
“Such naked honesty, emotions offered without inhibition, and a peace not often found in everyday life.”
Overall, you’ve done a GREAT job with this prompt.
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Thank you so much for your amazing feedback and compliments. I think I just may be blushing
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Thank you for giving me something to give amazing feedback and compliments on. 😉
Blush away. You’ve earned it.
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ok, now I’m definitely blushing! Thank you so much, again 😉
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Loved it!
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Thank you!
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